Super Bowl? Pass the Cheese Dip!

Well, now that my NFL football season is over, what to do next?

None of my favorite teams made it into the Super Bowl over the past championship weekend. Son texted me and asked, “Who is going to win the Super Bowl?”

I texted back, “I don’t care. Oh I’ll watch it, after I make and eat the cheese dip. But I’m only interested in seeing the new commercials. And maybe the half-time show.”

Yep, that means the Cowboys, the Broncos, the Texans, the Chiefs, the Packers are all out! I picked a bunch of teams to support, but wouldn’t you know. None of them made it to the Super Bowl.

So, to celebrate not caring who wins the Super Bowl, I thought we might hear from the losers in past years. At least they make me laugh. Here you go. . .

John McKay is the BEST! 

-“Kickers are like horse manure. They are all over the place.”

-When asked about his teams’ execution, McKay said, “I’m in favor of it.”

-About coaching an expansion team, “You do a lot of praying but most of the time the answer is ‘No.’”

- “Well, we’ve determined that we can’t win at home and we can’t win on the road. What we need is a neutral site.”

-“We didn’t tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.”

-“Emotion is highly overrated in football. My wife Corky is emotional as hell but can’t play football worth a damn.”

-"If you have everyone back from a team that lost 10 games, experience isn't too important."

- A genius in the NFL is a guy who won last week."

-"Opening games make me nervous. To tell you the truth, I'd rather open with our second game."

And then there’s former coach John Madden turned sports broadcaster, who I dearly loved to hear call a game. Madden is the funniest. He said. . .

-“I always used to tell my players that we are here to win! And you know what? When you don't win, you lose.”

-“Don’t do anything great if you can’t handle the congratulations.”

-“The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for the players to break.”

-“Here’s a guy who can use his arms and legs at the same time.”

-“When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to.”

-“If you win a Super Bowl before you're fired, you're a genius, and everyone listens to you. But a coach is just a guy whose best class in grammar school was recess and whose best class in high school was P.E. I never thought I was anything but a guy whose best class was P.E.”

-“Here's a guy who when he runs, he moves faster.”

-“Ninety percent of the game is half mental.”

-“The biggest gap in sports? The difference between the winner and the loser of the Super Bowl.”

No, I don’t care who wins the Super Bowl, as long as it’s not the Patriots. Son had pretty much the same opinion. All he texted back was “Hey, I want some cheese dip!”

Challenged by 40 Bags in 40 Days

Darling Daughter and Granddaughter have made a resolution, dang it! I had made a resolution to make no resolutions. But Darling Daughter and Granddaughter are hard to say “No!” to.

Darling Daughter texted one day, “40 Bags in 40 Days!”

“What are you talking about?” I wanted to know.

Darling Daughter explained. The 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge is for hoarders, like she and I. Starting March 1, we have to pick one area in our homes, and declutter it. We have to get rid of one bag a day, for 40 days in a row. The diabolical inventor of this torment said on the internet that it is OK to get rid of two bags in one day, and take one day off.

Oh thanks!

Granddaughter jumped on that text-message bandwagon immediately. I waited a moment. Well, more than a moment. 40 Bags in 40 Days sounds like work to me. Maybe I could wait 40 days?

Here came another text. “Are you in?”

Hum. Does somebody I know and am related to want me to clean up the house and get rid of all that stuff I’ve been hoarding for 10 years, since I moved into my present abode? But I need all that stuff!

You know that old law that as soon as you throw something out, you need it!?! And there is all the stuff I need for my crafting. You know…that big basket of yarn so I can crochet everybody I know (that means everybody in the county) a hat. Or that huge stack of books I intend to read some day. Or all that drawing and painting stuff piled up in the corner because I love to draw and will someday learn how to paint horses. (And never mind that I have not an artist’s drop of blood in me!)

And then there is all that stuff my kids and grandkids have left with me for safe keeping. Son’s drums from high school? How can I get rid of those and never mind that he is now age 50 and said to “Sell those drums!”

Then there is Darling Daughter’s croquet and badminton set left with me for family cookout days. Well, I gotta’ keep that for goodness sakes. I love family cookout days.

And then there are son’s and grandson’s piles of clothing from before they joined the military and couldn’t get into now if they went on a year-long diet. Well, that stuff might go. But these belonged to my babies!

I mentioned this trauma-inducing challenge at a meeting recently and our good friend MaryLynn Lufkin from Catholic Charities Helping Center in Sallisaw tried to help. MaryLynn likes to help everybody.

“Bring it on down,” she said. “We’ll take it!”

Well, I’ve been promising to do that for years but have not been able to de-hoard myself yet. Maybe it’s time. Maybe I should take a tiny corner of my home every day and declutter it. I even downloaded and printed the organization list for the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge. It’s on my desk somewhere, hiding among piles of recipes and crochet instructions.

I just had one more question for Darling Daughter.

“How big does that one bag have to be? Will a small plastic grocery bag be OK?”

She laughed at me and answered, “YES!”

Oh dang. I’ve got to de-clutter!

No New Year’s Resolutions Please!

The New Year has never been one of my top 10 holidays to celebrate. I much prefer Christmas, the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, my kids’ birthdays.

In fact, I have trouble staying up until midnight on New Year’s Eve. And the older I get, and I’m getting pretty old, the harder it is. I’m usually asleep by 10 p.m. and miss all the hullabaloo about a new year.

Age doesn’t have anything to do with New Year’s resolutions. I never made any resolutions cause I knew I’d never keep them past Jan. 2. I did look up a few resolutions on the ‘net to see who was doing what. They made me laugh because they are so un-keepable.

1. Give up chocolate. That’s a joke, right? That is NOT going to happen. Chocolate is good for you.

2. Spend less than an hour a day on the internet. What!?! Give up my lifeline to the rest of the world? No way!

3. Lose weight. At my age, who cares? Even my doctor agrees.

4. Not tell the same story over and over to my friends. Well, if they will just remind me that I’ve already told that story, once or twice or thrice, then I’ll shut up. It’s an age thing.

5. Write the great American novel. Hey! I’m working on it, OK?

6. Exercise. See #3.

7. Be positive and less sarcastic. Yeah, like that’s gonna’ last past Jan. 2.

8. Stop making lists. I cannot live without my lists. I make lists of my lists. It is impossible to grocery shop without a list. If I didn’t have my grocery list I would starve to death.

9. Learn another language. Why? English is hard enough.

10. Take a Senior Citizens class at the community college. Sounds good, but I would have to get up off that couch to do that.

11. Be financially responsible. Uh, where’s the fun in that?

12. Doctor the house cat for fleas at least once a week. No! That cat bites, and scratches, then messes with my computer, and calls me horrible cat names when I get out the flea spray.

13. Jump out of bed and get to work immediately. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! More coffee please.

14. Take a vitamin daily. Can’t remember what day it is, much less remember to take a vitamin. Don’t remember where I put them anyway.

15. Stop procrastinating. I’ll have to put that one off until tomorrow.

One writer refused to make a resolution because he/she “is already perfect.” I’m not perfect. I’m just sleepy and a bit tired. And I don’t want to make resolutions. They are so out of style.

Instead, for 2017, I will make wishes. I wish happiness and health for all my family, friends and those who deserve it. I wish to spend all my time with my grandchildren and great-grandchildren, who are, of course, perfect.

And I wish the very best for all who visit (or don’t) here for 2017. Happy New Year.