Something to Make You Smile - Emails from the Senior Citizen Set

My friends in the Senior Citizen Set have been busy on the internet again. Funny how some of those my age won’t go near the internet, yet others can’t live without it (that would be me). Still, friends on line do have a sense of humor, which we shall share today.

-Sign at Restaurant:  No Senior Citizen Discounts. You’ve had twice as long to get the money. Me: And twice as long to spend it!

-Sign at Restaurant:  No. We do not have wi-fi. Talk to each other. Me: Well, OK. That may be pretty good advice.

-Sign on Business Door: Push. If that doesn’t work, pull. If that doesn’t work, we must be closed.

-Sign in Front of Pub:  Today’s soup – Beer. Me: No thanks!

-Sign on Business Door:  Guarded by shotgun three nights a week. You guess which nights! Me: I like that one.

-Business Sign Directing Customers to Restrooms:  Men to the left, because Women are always right. Me: Yep!

-Sign Above Business:  Teach your kids about taxes. Eat 30 percent of their ice cream. Me: That one made me laugh out loud cause it’s so true!

-­(In response) Sign at Pub: Today’s Offer – buy any two drinks and pay for them both. Me: Hey, I’m a Senior Citizen!

-Sign from Another Pub: Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will water or milk. Me:  Yeah, but water and milk don’t make them worse! Obviously, I don’t like liquor. Wine on the other hand…

-Liquor Store Legend:  Buy a bottle for mom on Mother’s Day. Remember you’re the reason she drinks. Me: Well, anything a mom can do to get through raising those kids.

-Note to Children:  Respect your parents. They got through school without Google. Me: Well ain’t that the truth?

-More on Today’s Technology:  Cartoon shows crowd taking cell phone photos of drowning man. It’s today’s techies. Me: Don’t have a smart phone. I have a dumb phone.

-Photo of Horse Looking Down at Camera: Horse asks, “You OK? I should have let you know I was stopping.” Me: I have actually been in this situation. It’s not funny.

-Minister Tells Wedding Couple: “You are now man and wife. You may now update your Facebook status.” Me:  I know people who DO THIS!

-Senior Citizen Wife to Hubby:  “You told me you’d spend your whole life trying to make me happy!” His response:  “I didn’t expect to live this long.” Me: Aw.

-Mom to Child with Droopy Pants, While Dad in Background Has Pants around Knees:  “Your father says he’ll stop wearing his pants like that when you do!” Me:  Saw guy doing that just this week! Gross!

-Sign on Basket of Eggs:  Boneless Chicken – 35 cents. Me:  Truth in advertising.

-Caption on Photo of Dog with Trash Can Lid Around Neck:  “I have no idea how it happened.” Me: To my house dog Penny:  “I know how it happened!”

-Caption on Photo of Cat Sitting in Front of Computer:  “I did the math. We can’t afford the dog.” Me: To house cat Nutter, “Stay OFF the computer!”

-And finally, this quote from an author who can really make me laugh, Mark Twain: “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

Hello Reba Nell!

It’s Darling Daughter’s Rescue to the rescue again, and this time the rescue ended up at my house. What!?! Yep. New critter has moved in with me. What am I thinking? Darling Daughter has never passed up the chance to rescue a critter in need. This has ranged from baby opossums to full-grown horses wandering down the highway. Baby possums were dutifully delivered to a licensed wildlife rehabilitator. I say that to keep Darling Daughter out of jail, or at least from being cited by a game ranger for harboring a wild animal. But she kept up with baby possums, reporting on them until they were released into the wild once more.

Horses wandering down the highway, or just standing around needing help, have never dissuaded Darling Daughter from jumping right in there to do her rescue thing. She’ll even pay for a horse if she thinks it needs to be rescued. This has resulted in several new horses in our respective pastures. And, to tell the truth, some of those horses were pretty good rides, and should never have been in need in the first place.

Of course dogs and cats are the most rescued, since they seem to be the most in need, and not spayed and neutered as they should be. But in this case, it was on behalf of a friend who needed a dog rescued. Dog, who is known as Reba, had just been abandoned by a new owner. Old owner, now living far away, found out and called my Darling Daughter for assistance. Well, that only took about five minutes. And the next thing I knew Darling Daughter is in my driveway demanding I “Come out here right now.” All righty. And that’s how I got introduced to Reba. I like the name Reba. Probably because I like Reba McEntire. Just looked the singer up to make sure I spelled her name right. Found out her name is Reba Nell. Dog will now be Reba Nell.

So here comes Reba Nell, my new critter who looks like a black lab cross, and has that same attitude. That means Reba Nell thinks she gets to lay around and do nothing, sort of like me. That figures. In her dog years, I think we’re about the same age. Reba Nell wasn’t too trusting of me at first. Who could blame her? She figured she had been abandoned twice, why bother getting involved again? Several cans of dog food later, she changed her mind and began to wag her tail at me. That was a relief. Reba has been spayed. That was pretty much the “yes” moment.

“She’s spayed?

 “Yes.”

“OK.”

So Reba Nell was secured in the back room, until a proper collar and leash could be obtained, until all ticks and fleas could be removed, until she and house dog Penny were introduced and agreed to a conflict-free relationship, and until she realized she had a new home. I checked on her several times during the night. Those sad eyes simply stared back. Reba Nell continued her abandoned dog attitude until I showed up the next morning with another can of dog food. Suddenly, we were best friends. I tried to convince Reba Nell she could go out into the back yard to relieve herself. She wouldn’t go. A bit later, after Reba’s breakfast, I tried again. This time Reba took off like a shot, meaning, at her age, she meandered slowly out the door and took a while to find the exact right spot to relieve herself. And relieve herself. And relieve herself. We’ve got to praise Reba Nell. She held on all night long! Then she wandered off. Hum. I went to truck to load up in preparation for the trip to town. Don’t know how the old dog did it, but when I looked down, Reba Nell was already in the truck. Aha. This is a real country dog. Had to convince her she couldn’t come to town with me, but had to get a short little Penny dog leash to tie around Reba Nell’s neck to entice her back to the house.

Entice? Not really. She dragged me all the way back to the back door, and was more than happy to go back into that back room, out of the wind and rain, and where all that dog food awaited. I got a feeling Reba Nell and I are going to get along fine. I got that feeling cause she and I have the same attitude – feed me, keep me warm, and let me out in the yard once a day, and we’ll be happy.

The Bald Eagle Has Landed, and Wowed Me!

Oh Wow! Oh Double Wow! Oh My Gosh! And that’s pretty much all I could say. The event occurred on our beautiful Saturday last week, when all I wanted to do was sit in the sun and forget winter, and that winter had showed me in four times. Four Times! Good grief. Anyway, I was sitting there, enjoying that beautiful early-spring day, watching Darling Daughter work. Darling Daughter had decided to clean up the horse pasture. Numerous downed limbs, and a big bunch of old weeds, were limiting grass growth. She will not tolerate grass limitations, and she was working like a dog. I had made one small attempt at digging a garden, which turned out to be more like sinking in the mud. I gave up quickly and was taking a break in my favorite chair on the back porch, watching my bird population at the bird feeders. Someday I’ll relate the crazy antics of my nuthatch, who must be the clown of the bird world. Darling Daughter decided to take a break and joined me.

We must have been discussing the impossibility of doing anything in the swamped garden, when I saw the flash of black and white.

“Oh my gosh!” I interrupted Darling Daughter. “A huge bald eagle has just landed in the pasture.” Yep. Enormous mature bald eagle, with white head and tail, had landed. Darling Daughter and I ducked. Don’t know why. Bald eagle was half a football field away, and didn’t care at all what we were doing. Bald eagle was on a mission. That apparently pending parent bald eagle was on the hunt for nesting materials, and had decided those old round bales of hay in the horse pasture, which were pretty much picked over and flattened, contained the ideal nesting material. I confess. I was astounded.

That bald eagle attempted to grab claws full of that old, wet hay. It wasn’t easy, as anyone who has had to deal with that old stuff will know. It’s all matted, and wet, and muddy, and ugly, and baling twine, embedded in the nasty stuff, does not help by keeping it all tied down. Darling Daughter and I watched as bald eagle fought with the hay pile. Spreading wings which looked like at least 10 feet from wing tip to wing tip, that poor bald eagle hopped up and down, up and down, wings flapping frantically, just trying to loosen some old hay from the pile. I was sure she must have been working on a nest. We watched bald eagle struggle with that hay for a good 15 minutes.

And we weren’t the only ones watching. Our two old geldings were astounded also. They had been hanging out with Darling Daughter, their favorite person cause she feeds them, in the upper part of the pasture where she was working. But when the eagle landed, their attention turned to the eagle too. Heads up, ears pricked, those two old geldings didn’t seem to believe something so big had landed on their hay pile, not that they are interested anymore in that hay. So they watched intensely. Then Toby, Gorgeous Granddaughter’s horse, began to get a bit more interested. He began a slow but determined stroll toward bald eagle. It seemed he doesn’t like pasture intruders, according to Darling Daughter, and may have been on the way to try and evict the bald eagle.

“Oh no!” I whispered to Darling Daughter. “Toby’s going after the eagle. Stop him!” I could just see Toby attacking eagle, and eagle attacking back. That bald eagle made Toby, a full grown horse, look like a pony. I began to wonder how much our vet would charge to sew up bald eagle slashes in our horse. Darling Daughter didn’t move. Well, it was an extremely interesting scenario.

Bald eagle moved before Toby arrived, thank goodness. Bald eagle took off with two claws full of wet dirty nesting material. Toby just got disgusted, and walked off like he knew what he was doing. “That was incredible,” I told Darling Daughter. And this past week I’ve told everyone I know about our bald eagle adventure. I’ve wondered all week if bald eagle has returned for more nesting materials. Is she building her nest nearby, which is close to the Arkansas River? Does she have eggs, or babies already? Wow. Is it spring in Oklahoma? Yes! And I’m loving it.

It's a Spring Fever Epidemic

Spring Fever! I confess. I got it. Back on the road again, after being snowed in once again (That’s four times in a month!), I considered what might be happening if I get snowed in one more time. Murder and mayhem may occur. Don’t know who I’d commit murder or mayhem on, but the house dog and cat better hide. Still, in our future there is good news and not so good news. The not so good news is annual. Daylight Saving Time begins Sunday morning, always at 2 a.m., meaning we lose an hour. I’ve studied that. Have never been able to figure it out exactly. Just how does moving the clock forward lose an hour? That bothers me, but I just have to take everyone’s word for it, move the clock forward, wake up late but enjoying more daylight at the end of the day. That I like. The good news is Spring, YES, SPRING, begins at 5:45 CDT on March 20, according to the Farmer’s Almanac. And if you can’t trust the Farmer’s Almanac, who can you trust?

I can hardly wait! Got spring fever so bad, I have already bought more garden seeds than I can ever use. Been haunting big stores’ garden departments since Jan. 2. And I’ve noticed I’m not the only one. All the strawberry roots in one garden department have disappeared. That’s why I grabbed what I could on the Internet. Now, if I could just plant the little dudes. But every time I try to get to my little garden spot, it snows me out. No wonder I’ve got Spring Fever.

I’m not alone. My Lunch Bunch friends and family are in the same boat. Linda C. reports her hubby has a big batch of baby garden plants in the garage. That’s great! But how do you plant baby garden plants when there is three or four inches of snow on the ground? Linda doesn’t care. She does her part by painting in response to Spring Fever. Her paintings, as I recall and I may be wrong, are all about summer. I want one-painting that is. Linda likes summer, and beaches, and the tropics. Visit her yard sometime. You’ll feel like you’re on a Caribbean island, with a hammock, sand and all.

And then there’s best bud Delanna, here at KXMX.  She has a reason for developing a bad case of Spring Fever. Her heat quit during our last snow storm. “Are you kidding me?” I asked as I cuddled up closer to my own space heater. No. And, while trying to figure out how to get heat in the house when the outside temperature was about 25 degrees, she reported she broke the thermostat. Oh dear. Don’t know much about that kind of stuff, but I sympathized with her. She told me she was microwave-popping popcorn for the family. I told her to tell family to just hug the popcorn bowl, and soak up its heat under a blanket. Popcorn’s cheap. Think they ate it anyway. But all was quickly fixed, and heat is back on. Hope that helps with her Spring Fever a bit.

I asked Darling Daughter about this upcoming weekend, when the temps are to soar into the 50s. Oh joy. I can hardly wait. “Help me plant,” I begged. I didn’t tell her I’ve got 50 strawberry plants waiting for a pretty day, but did point out my raspberry plants may be in the mail, and I need someone to dig up a planting spot. “No,” Darling Daughter shot back. “I’m cleaning up the horse pasture.” OK. I admit that winter winds have dropped some errant limbs around the guys’ small pasture, and a cleanup may be called for. But I bet those two old horses would eat some raspberries if I could just get them in the ground soon. Darling Daughter doesn’t seem to think the same. Her horses outweigh my raspberry plants, so I’ll be digging on my own I guess. On the other hand, I might even help clean up the pasture. Hey, 50 plus degrees, and Spring is just two weeks away. My Spring Fever is in full bloom. Now, if I can just get something else in bloom, my Spring Fever may be healed. No it won’t. I love Spring Fever, and am going to hold on to it as long as I can. Happy Spring, almost!

Message to Winter: Go Away!

Warning! Warning! Warning! This is the annual Winter Whine! I am allowed one whine per season. There is not a lot to whine about in the other three seasons. OK. In spring round here who isn’t afraid of tornadoes. Summer gets too hot. That’s it. Fall is delicious. I see no reason to whine about fall unless it rains too much, and I don’t care about that a lot either. But when it comes to winter, I am very opinionated! Like It’s TOO DANG COLD! If I wanted cold I’d be living elsewhere, like Alaska. I have lived there. I have done that. I do not want to do it again. Yet, Oklahoma delivers unto us cold, and sleet, and ice, and snow, and all I can say is STOP IT! I want spring, tornadoes or not. I want green, and I don’t care that I have to pay some fix-it guy a fortune to make my lawnmower run again. I like sitting on the lawnmower and mowing grass in the summer. It makes me feel good.

But right now, it’s winter. It’s cold. Winter has snowed me in twice so far, causing me to be stuck at home developing a super case of cabin fever. And what happens when I get cabin fever? Shopping! Lots of shopping! The next shopping trip is Saturday, right before the next snow storm according to the weatherman. Another snow storm!?! Are you kidding!?! No. Apparently not.

During the last snow-in, Darling Daughter and I texted a lot. She wanted to know what it was like here. I wanted to know what it was like there. She was snowed in more than me, and told me so in no uncertain terms what she thinks of winter. At least she didn’t tell me in words a child can’t say to a mother, or that can be published for polite society although I’m sure she used them. To tell the truth, I may have used a few of those non-polite words myself. Hear us Mother Nature. We are tired of winter. Take it away.

OK. We will admit there are a few winter benefits. One – I am so sick of my regular winter clothes I have begun digging into the unreachable areas of my closets (yes that’s a plural) to find those winter clothes I’d forgotten about. I’m wearing some today. That’s nice. On Sunday I got such a bad base of cabin fever I went looking for jewelry I’d forgotten I had. Found it too. It was almost as good as a shopping trip. Two -  then there’s my answer to the cold. That’s called sleep. If I were a bear I would hibernate all winter long.  Almost do so anyway. I love bundling up under two or three blankets with a house cat and house dog curled up beside me and sleeping the cold away. Did so just last night although I must apologize to house dog Penny, who I accidentally kicked out of bed during a long stretch. Sorry Penny. Last night’s hibernation was so great I overslept by an hour and a half, which means the KXMX crew is calling for this blog right now. Oops. Sorry again. Blame it on winter

But good grief. The door to March opens. And spring follows just three weeks hence. We can hardly wait. All I ask of March is that if it opens like a lion then that lion pick up some wind speed and blow all the leaves in my yard out and away somewhere so I don’t have to rake and burn. Then I’ll be happy and plant my garden. I can hardly wait!

OETA: Great Enough to Brag About

It’s brag time. And it’s not just brag time for me. It’s brag time for all of us. We are going to brag about OETA, our state’s fabulous educational, and free, television. No cable bill here! Our OETA is the top public TV station in the country. Wow. According to a recent article published Jan. 28 and written by Courtney Hamar on OETA and OneNet, quality broadcast services have landed OETA in the number one spot for public television stations in the nation. With an estimated 1.8 million viewers each week, OETA has found itself in the number one or two spot numerous times. That may be because of me, cause I tune into OETA 24/7.

OK. We admit it. “Downton Abbey,” the British sort-of soap opera about the trials and tribulations of an upper-crust family in the early 1900s, has boosted ratings all around the world. And is now my favorite TV show of all time. I don’ know why. I have discussed this Downton Abbey obsession with numerous other fans. We still don’t know why we love this show. I suspect it may be in the genes. Darling Daughter has traced part of our family back to the 1700s in Scotland. I suspect we got run out of the country for some reason, but it’s in our genes to wonder about what might have been.

Downton Abbey isn’t the only OETA show I watch. OETA has so many good dramas and other offerings I have almost given up commercial TV entirely. In my case it all started with Antiques Roadshow. And all those antiques I wish I had bought or my family had hoarded in the attic. Then I went on to Nature, Nova, The History Detectives. Oh my. It’s all that stuff I should have learned in college. My newest educational favorite? “Shakespeare Uncovered.” For all of those who waded through those Shakespeare plays and sonnets, without learning a thing (that would be me) because we were stymied by the language, “Shakespeare Uncovered” is the way to go. I like it so much, I bought it. At last, I understand Shakespeare. I also bought “Downton Abbey,” the fabulous “Sherlock” which features my newest heartthrob Benedict Cumberbatch. (What WERE his parents thinking?) Bene, as I prefer to call him, has been a bit surprised by his new status as a heartthrob. But he’s handling it well, in a career that is burgeoning and has led to an Oscar nomination this year.

Yes. I support public TV. Also bought Ken Burns’ “Civil War” series. Want to learn U.S. history? Watch Ken Burns’ “Civil War.” It makes me cry. “The Roosevelts” was fascinating. Teddy R. deserves our admiration even more than I thought. Next up? “The Address,” about memorizing the Gettysburg Address. Uh. Tried that in high school. Was not successful. But hey, I’ll give it another shot.

Other new stuff:  “Grantchester,” about a conflicted clergyman, who just happens to be really good looking. What is it with all these British shows anyway? “Earth:  A New Wild” relates us to our environment. We better care cause if Nature can’t live here neither can we.

Whatever I want, OETA has. The most trusted news shows, the best cooking shows, the best travel shows, and another of my favorites, our own “Oklahoma Gardening” from OSU. This show inspires this new gardener totally. I realized recently I have nearly given up on commercial TV. I still watch the news, and “The Big Bang Theory” and “Person of Interest” and “Litton’s Weekend Adventure,” of all things. This block of shows, about critters and travel and exploration, was probably designed for kids, and resembles OETA programming a lot, and I love it.

At the beginning here, I made a mistake. OETA is free, but not really. OETA must hold semi-annual fundraising pledge drives to survive. This winter’s drive runs from Feb. 26 through March 15, and features some more good stuff, including Celtic Woman, Peter, Paul and Mary, 50s Pop, Rock Rewind, Motown 25, (yes, I’m showing my age) and other goodies. Please keep our best TV going. Not mine. Ours. Give a bit, and keep OETA on the air. And tune it. You’ll love it.

Animals Behaving Badly, Again?

Not a week goes by when someone doesn’t ask how my critters are. My pets are Penny, my mini-pin, Nuts, my shy cat rescued from the woods, and Holly, the cat rescued from a Sallisaw alley who wouldn’t come out of my bathroom for about three years. My critters are fine. Pen is like me, getting a bit older and a big wider in the hip. Nuts, who is over 13 years of age the best we can figure, seems to have reached some sort of life crisis and romps around the house like a kitten. Holly has come out of the bathroom, but likes to dig around in the potted plants in the window and has been caught lately sneaking around the counter tops in the kitchen at night, and who knows she’s not supposed to, cause when I surprise her and yell “Get Down!” she runs like crazy and hides for hours. She knows she was behaving badly. Can’t tell me that critters are just “dumb” animals. Mine are not dumb at all.

Penny has also developed a new habit, which may be a part of getting older too, just like me. She seems to have lost her patience. Patience is not a part of a mini-pin’s personality. Mini-pins are high-energy, go-get-em dogs. Penny’s just the opposite. She lays around all day, sleeping, until she thinks it’s time to eat. And she lets me know. She have begun to bark, and bark, and bark. It’s maddening. And yelling “Shut up!” at Penny does not work. She sort of gives me a “What? Me?” look, and continues on. Last week I gave her a blast of water from my plant water spray bottle. The barking stopped. Penny was shocked. Couldn’t believe I had done such a thing. Hid under the bed all day. I felt guilty. Penny continues to bark when she thinks it’s time to eat. I put the water bottle away. I’ll just live with it. Ugh.

Since everyone knows about my badly behaving animals. So to broaden the topic, I checked out the internet. Hum. Found cat tearing up the last toilet roll in the bathroom. Well, yes. I had to remove all tissue from Holly’s favorite abode. She thought pulling all the soft facial tissue out of the box was fun, then she could mound it up and sleep on it all day. No more facial tissue for Holly. Not much different from badly behaving animals on the internet.

Hum. Critters breaking into the fridge for a snack. Mine haven’t figured that out yet. However, I began to suspect something was going on when I found door between laundry room and family room was opening every day, apparently on its own. I began surveillance. Caught him. Nuts the cat is trying to escape the house via the family room which also has a loose window. Not going there cat. Door now has extra lock. Not much different from bad cats on the internet.

I love OETA, and just this week they re-ran one of my favorite programs, “Animal Odd Couples.” It’s about critters from different species who fall in love with one another. Uh. How do I make mine watch that show? They are not paying one bit of attention. Penny and Nuts still have those standoffs over Penny’s food bowl. Don’t know what the cat prefers the dog food, or, on the other hand, why the dog prefers the cat food. Given a chance, Penny picks up the cat bowl and runs off to hide with it so she can eat Nuts’ leftovers in peace. Doesn’t make since. Holly refuses to have anything to do with either Pen or Nuts. For a while back there in the coldest part of the winter, Holly loved curling up with Penny on a cold evening. And Penny didn’t seem to mind. Holly has thicker fur than Pen. But now they are ignoring each other totally. However, Nuts still thinks he needs to take a swipe at Holly every time she darts by on the way to supper or wherever. Safe to say, I guess, my critters are not animal odd couples. Well, they are odd, to say the least. As I surfed the net looking for examples of animals behaving badly I noted some folks didn’t like that. It was as though the critters should have been placed in a time out like little kids in trouble. OK. We concede some animals should be punished for some bad behaviors, but let’s not ignore the personalities of our beloved pets. So Penny, Nuts and Holly have odd relationships. Hey, it’s their lives, and our entertainment. Let the critters be. I love my critters. Their antics enhance life.