Hold on Spring!

Spring is springing up all over, hopefully not too soon, and hopefully not before Winter doesn’t sock us one more time with below-freezing temperatures.

We dread those 32-degrees and below temps. That’s because all those things growing in my yard, and everyone else’s, has got spring fever too and erupted in a warm-weather flurry. My roses are leafing out like crazy, my climbing vines are climbing up anything they can wrap themselves around, my daffodils have been in bloom for a week (and pop right up again every time they get beat down by the rain), and all kinds of shrubs I buy on sale, but have no idea what they are, are bursting out all over with leaves.

But most frightening of all are the fruit trees. Good grief! Should my precious pear and peach trees really be blooming so early? They scare me. One good frost and it’s all over for pears and peaches at my house.

Both my yard’s flora and I have very bad cases of spring fever. I love Spring, even Oklahoma’s wet springs. I don’t even care that my yard looks like a frog pond right now, and no rain let-up seems to be in the future.

This year I have about the worst case of spring fever ever! Started haunting the garden centers way before they had anything on sale except left-over Christmas decorations. That may have been prompted by all the seed catalogs I ordered on line. Now there is a stack of them right next to my evening-sit-down-seat. I don’t order anything. I just like to catalog shop. 

But once the local shops got some seeds in I grabbed them up, and even planted. And lo and behold, the lettuce and the radish seeds have sprouted. I would have waited to plant the lettuce and the radishes, but one of the OETA shows I love – Oklahoma Gardening from OSU – recommended we go ahead and plant the cold-weather crops. What the heck. I did.

Oops! Now they’ve sprouted and I have to kneel down in the mud (yuck!) and thin those baby seedlings. OK. I’ll do it. But only because wilted lettuce and bacon salad is well worth the effort. It’s a recipe my mother taught me. And dad was the radish lover. Throw in a few tomatoes (yep, already bought some baby plants), and I’m done with vegetable gardening.

Flower gardening has my attention too, and, oh joy, all the flowers are breaking out of their brown winter doldrums and getting ready to do their bloom thing. Even the bulbs I stuck in the ground earlier are shooting up and blooming. Well, not all. That dang squirrel ate some of them. Oh I’ll try again. But the ones who have ignored the winter weather predictions are gorgeous. Now I’m wondering if I have enough tin cans and old milk cartons to cover them up if Winter decides to alight again and ruin what little my non-green thumb has accomplished.

Still, Spring fills our horizons once again, and, as Spring does, instills the hope that everything planted will fulfill our hopes for a beautiful garden.

After all, Spring does its own thing too. The redbuds have tinted the woods a lovely dark pink, and those wild plum trees (at least I think that’s what they are) decorate our Oklahoma woods like tiny clouds that have drifted down from the sky to lift our souls for a new warmth.

Hold on Spring. Keep Winter at bay, so we may rejoice in new growth.

Observations on the Politics of the Day

Wow! That was some Presidential Political Primary on Tuesday. 

Told Granddaughter recently that this was turning into an historical presidential primary. Sadly, and apparently, that is correct, or so say the political pundits on TV.

The process from the beginning has fascinated me, and many others it turns out. I’ve been watching every move, and the media reports on every move, of our presidential candidates. Don’t get me wrong. Not pushing for any one candidate here, just reporting on observations. In the U.S. of A. we get to talk about government, and the people who conduct it, as much as we want.

And, if we want to, we can do so with sarcasm.

Been collecting those kinds of comments lately. So if you enjoy sarcastic political humor, read on.

Apolitical Aphorisms

“If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.” Jay Leno

“The problem with political jokes is they get elected.” Henry Cate VII

“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.” Nikita Khrushchev

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.” Clarence Darrow

“Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.” Author unknown

“Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.” John Quinton

“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.” Oscar Ameringer

“I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.” Adlai Stevenson

“A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.” Tex Guinan

“I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.” Charles de Gaulle

“Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.” Doug Larson

And then there are the political comments made by one of our own, and which are priceless! Hear the wisdom of Will Rogers.

“There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on Congressmen.”

“I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.”

“On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what I does.:

“That’s the trouble with a politician’s life. Somebody is always interrupting it with an election.”

“The more you read and observe about this politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that’s out always looks the best.”

“Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.”

“Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.”

“A fool and his money are soon elected.”

“The Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.”

Thank you Mr. Rogers.

‘Do You Feel Old Yet?’

“Do you feel old yet” asked one of my Sequoyah County Fun Filosophers this week.

Well, after reading the following, Yes I Do! What a difference 50 years can make!

Hope my faithful one or two readers (most likely my children) don’t feel old yet after reading the following.

-1966: Long hair   

-2016: Longing for hair

-1966: Acid rock   

-2016: Acid reflux

-1966: Moving to California because it's cool

-2016: Moving to Arizona because it's warm

-1966: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

-2016: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

-1966: Seeds and stems

-2016: Roughage 

-1966: Hoping for a BMW

-2016: Hoping for a BM

-1966: Going to a new, hip joint

-2016: Receiving a new hip joint

-1966: Rolling Stones

-2016: Kidney Stones

-1966: Screw the system

-2016: Upgrade the system

-1966: Disco

-2016: Costco

-1966: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.

-2016: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.

-1966: Passing the drivers' test

-2016: Passing the vision test

-1966: Whatever

-2016: Depends

  

Just in case you weren't feeling old enough today, the following will certainly change things.

Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen.

Here's this year's list:

-The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1998. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

-They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

-They never heard: "Where's the Beef?" or "I'd walk a mile for a Camel.”

-They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

-McDonald's never came in foam containers.

-Their lifetime has always included AIDS. 

 -Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

-The CD was introduced seven years before they were born.

-They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

-They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

-Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

-“Happy Days’ was cancelled before they were born.

-They have never encountered a TV with a dial or a rotary telephone.

Feeling old yet?

Yep.

Funny Filosopher Shares Her Text Codes

My Funny Filosophers are at it again.

Sharing her thoughts with me this time is a friend of about the same age. (NO, she’s older than me – HA!) What is amazing to me is she and I both like computers, unlike some others of our ages. Oh, we don’t like running them. Computers are kind of like cars. I just want it to do its thing, what it is supposed to do. If it doesn’t, I want a good computer mechanic. Thank goodness I’ve got one.

My (older, ha-ha) friend even knows more about computers than I do, which I respect. She is really into emails and texting, so she must know the abbreviation codes. I don’t even know all the codes. LOL, or laughing out loud, is about the extent of my abbreviated code use.

But friend needs her codes, and this week shared the codes for us older computer users. (She’s older – Ha!)

Young people have theirs.

Now Seniors have their own texting codes:

* ATD - At the Doctor's

* BFF - Best Friends Funeral

* BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth

* CBM - Covered by Medicare

* CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

* DWI - Driving While Incontinent

* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

* GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

* GHA - Got Heartburn Again

* HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement

* LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

* LOL - Living on Lipitor

* OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas

* TOT - Texting on Toilet

* WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?

*GTG: Gotta Groan

*TGIF: Thank Goodness It's Four (Four O’clock - Early Bird Special)

*FWB: Friend With Betablockers

*FYI: For Your Indigestion

*TTYL: Talk To You Louder

*MILF: Meal I'd Like To Forget

*MGAD: My Grandson's A Doctor

*SUS: Speak Up, Sonny

*WIWYA: When I Was Your Age

*GOML: Get Off My Lawn

Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)

Thank you (older) friend and computer whiz. If I could remember all these abbreviated codes, I would be more than happy to use them. 

Unfortunately, guess I’ll have to stick with just one – LOL. And you definitely made me LOL. (And that means Laughing Out Loud NOT Little Old Lady!)

Springified...and Loving It!

I’ve been Springified.

That’s my new word for that old notion of Spring Fever. Spring Fever sounds like a disease. I contend that longing for spring is NOT a disease. It is a condition of the human soul that doesn’t like winter. Oh I can take winter. I can take about a week of winter during the week of Christmas. I don’t even mind a White Christmas if my family has managed to arrive all in one piece for the family get-together.

After that, let’s go Spring.

My state of being Springified is assisted greatly by the State of Oklahoma. Oklahoma weather did its best for me last weekend, when the temps hit 70. Yes, I spent nearly the whole weekend out in the yard, and in the dirt. I love dirt. Dirt makes things grow.

So I planted some bulbs. Was supposed to plant those bulbs last fall, but they arrived by mail at Christmas time, and, as you may have already guessed, I was otherwise occupied at Christmas due to four grandkids and 10 great-grands. Oh joy.

So I planted the bulbs last weekend and am hoping for the best. But then I ran out of dirt. I’ve often wondered how a small-patch-owner (me) can run out of dirt on 10 acres. Well, my bulbs deserve good dirt, name-brand dirt, expensive dirt, so I constantly try to improve my flower bed with better dirt. It works, sort of. It would help if my thumb were greener, but I won’t let a little black thumb deter me from my gardening hobby.

So it’s back to the garden center this weekend for more dirt. I only hope my bulbs don’t mind arriving in that good dirt just a little bit late.

Oh how the garden center calls me. And all that beautiful stuff in the garden centers. Plants, and seeds, and tools, and, of course, dirt. I know! I know! It’s too early to plant anything. I force myself to bypass all those beautiful plants, many of which have already sprouted. I know that, if I set plants outside now, that last frost, which is certain, will kill any plants I can’t resist, dead.

But oh how I want to add to the strawberry bed, and put the leaf lettuce and radish seeds in the ground now. OK. I confess. Yes, I bought lettuce and radish seeds. But they are still in their packages. I have contained myself, barely.

In the meantime, I plan. That’s what gardeners do in the winter. They plan. A new flower bed is already ready, and this weekend my container garden will get revisited. (With a few hours off for the Super Bowl of course.) Getting ready for the garden is nearly as good as planting the garden. And my darling seeds will remain in their paper packages until at least March 1, or maybe sooner if I can’t contain myself.

And best of all, while I prepare the beds and the containers for spring, I will be out in the backyard, soaking up some Oklahoma sunshine, even though it’s a bit crisp yet. Because that sunshine is getting me Springified! 

Acid Comments Can Be So True

Good grief! Friends have started making snippy comments. I’m not sure if these comments are directed straight at me, or if friends are beginning to feel the effects of age themselves. These comments are from Acid Aunty. I am not an Acid Aunty or even an Acid Granny. I do not snip at my grandkids.

So at first I was a bit offended. Then I read them. Aha! These are comments are true and sometimes hit the nail on the head. I loved ‘em. Hope you do too.

-I never use my turn signal. It’s nobody’s business where I’m going.

-If life is a journey, mine is between the refrigerator and the computer. (Me: And the couch.)

-When I have a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children. That’s what it says to do on the bottle!

-Be nice to nurses. They keep the doctors from killing you. (Me: I have two granddaughters, both nurses, who swear this is true.)

-Snow White had the right idea. She moved in with seven guys, who went to work every day, and when she had to clean she whistled and the birds did her chores. (Me: I’ve been working on those birds, filling my bird feeders. They sure do eat a lot.)

-My book club only reads wine labels.

-Instead of cleaning the house, I turn the lights off. (Me: Clean house? At my age? Why bother.)

-I drink coffee for your protection. (Me: Really, really true.)

-Instead of a sign that says, “Do not disturb,” I want a sign that says, “Already disturbed. Proceed with caution.” (Me: Better make some more coffee.)

-Sometimes I panic and think there’s a crazy person in my house. Then I relax. It’s just me.

-I took up photography because it’s the only way I can shoot people and cut off their heads without going to jail. (Me: That is not why I took up photography. But it’s a good idea.)

-I’m on a nut free diet. I avoid people who drive me nuts.

-Age is only a number. Weight is only a number. I hate numbers.

-On some days the supply of legitimate swear words is insufficient. (Me: I have been known to make up swear words. But not because I’ve run out. Swearing was not allowed in my Christian childhood home. If I had to emphasize something, really emphasize it, I had to make it up.”

-I always avoid the things that make me fat, likes scales, mirrors and photographs.

-I always offer two meals – take it or leave it. (Me: Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.)

Have a great weekend everyone!

Country Philosopher Imparts Opinions

My Country Philosopher has published again. I find his thoughts so provocative, that I can’t resist sharing. So here you are. . .the best mind meanderings of Sequoyah County’s Country Philosopher. (With a few of my own thoughts thrown in.)

-You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have one of those. (Me: Can’t count the times I’ve had to apologize for those things that just pop out of my mouth!)

-Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon! (Me: They say plants can scream, and I’ve often thought why isn't that pointed out to vegetarians?)

-The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers. (Me: Oh dear! Never thought of that before.)

-My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work. (Me: Based on previous thought, am now praying for tolerance.)

-I’m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand. (Me: So true.)

-So when is this “Old enough to know better” supposed to kick in? (Me: Are we referring to me or my children?)

- Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered, “Who ties your shoelaces for you?” (Me: Are we talking about presidential candidates?)

-I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth. (Me: Oh, we’re discussing Presidential candidates’ speeches.)

-Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent! (Me: So we are discussing the current presidential race again!)

-I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. (Me: A reference I’m sure to my lack of computer and smart phone skills.)

-I hate it when the voices in my head go silent. I never know what they are planning. (Me: I can supply psychiatrists’ phone numbers!)

-I’m not lazy. I just really enjoy doing nothing. (Me: Oh yeah!)

-When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead. It’s only difficult for others. It’s the same way when you’re stupid. (Me: I know I heard a presidential candidate use the word “stupid.”)

-If people could read my mind I’d get punched in the face a lot. (Me: Keeping mouth shut!)

-Calm down, take a deep breath, and hold it for about 20 minutes. (Me: Ha, ha. I can count.)

-I never argue. I just explain why I’m right. (Me: Sounds like something my children would say.)

-I speak my mind because it hurts to bit my tongue all the time. (Me: Working hard on keeping mouth shut.)

-Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are! (Me: Are we discussing the presidential race again!?!)