The Not-so-Successful Shopping Trip

At first I wanted to call our little half-day journey “D and Sam’s Not So Excellent Adventure” reminiscent of the movie “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.” But then I got on the internet to find the movie “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.” Not what I was hoping for at all. I’ve never seen that movie about Bill and Ted, and found out the movie is old, really old. Not quite as old as me, but pretty old nevertheless. The movie is what I call a teenage boy flick. . .nonsensical with lots of double entendre. Teenage boys seem to love that. Chick flicks are for the ladies of course, and blow-em-up and beat-em-up movies seem to appeal to the guys.

Perhaps I need “Thelma and Louise” as a guide. Oops. I have seen that movie, and I didn’t particularly like the ending. No, it was just me and D, trying to get some of those dog-gone chores out of the way, so it was D (nickname for founding Lunch Bunch member Delanna N.) and Sam (that’s me, who came up with the Lunch Bunch moniker in a fleeting moment of madness).

So off we went, with D driving, because she has a big car I have a small pickup. And that means, if shopping is to take place, Lunch Bunch members may need a large bus or semi-truck, because we do like to shop.

But first, there were those chores. D had to visit a federal government office to deliver some papers. I don’t like federal government offices. Those people scare me. They do mean things, like audit your taxes. Eek. And that’s why I take taxes to a professional, and why I stayed in the car. And D wasn’t all that happy either. She complained, “Those were the WRONG papers! I gotta come back.”

Then it was on to a hobby store, so we could both finish projects. I seem to have started a lot of crafting projects in my semi-retirement. But hey, it was a hobby store, and the yarn was on sale. Has anyone visited a hobby store lately? Has anyone noticed that the Christmas stuff is everywhere?!? ‘Isn’t it too early?’ I wondered. Not for crafters it isn’t. And what the heck, I needed another project. . .not really, but, hey, the yarn was on sale. “And so the Christmas crafts begin,” I told the sales clerk. She just laughed at me. D just called. Seems she bought the wrong stuff, so we scheduled ANOTHER trip to the craft and hobby store. I repeat to self, “I DO NOT need another project, DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT!’ Oh please don’t let the yarn be on sale. Oops. It is.

Back on the road, the next stop was at a mall retailer, where, I was told, kitchen knives were on sale. Has anyone ever noticed how your best cutlery, and spoons for some reason, disappear like magic when all the kids and their kids and their kids come home for the holidays? I need kitchen knives. At the moment, all I own is one teeny paring knife, and here come the holidays! EEK! I searched for what seemed like hours (five minutes). Couldn’t find those knives. I searched for what seemed like hours (maybe 10 minutes) for a store clerk. Finally tackled one. She had no idea what I was talking about, and couldn’t find those knives either. She tackled a manager. “We’re all sold out,” she announced. Oh no! “But I can order you some for the same price!” Yes! I happily followed manager to a desk where she searched for hours (eh, 15 minutes). And then she announced, “They are no longer available.” NO-o-o! Yep. Back to my one and only paring knife. Now, if I could just find D. She had disappeared. After one long wait (maybe 30 minutes), D arrived and we proceeded on to the next store. By this time, I was losing any hope for any chore that I had to get done. And it didn’t end there.

D wanted lunch, and she really wanted to treat me to that new steak house. When it was obvious that no vehicles of any type were in the restaurant’s parking lot, I became a bit concerned. And when we got to the door, which didn’t open, I pointed out the restaurant’s hours to D. They didn’t open til 4 p.m. Good grief. What was a hungry shopper to do?

We went on to the next restaurant, a really close restaurant because we were hungry. It was the perfect ending to a not-so-successful trip. We got a newbie for a waiter. Waited an hour (or maybe two) for a bowl of soup for me and a salad for D. You know the good thing about Lunch Bunch members? We can laugh. We can laugh out loud at shopping trips and other obstacles and challenges. So the day didn’t end badly at all. D and I laughed a lot, and are going shopping again this week. I’m not even going to try to find knives. But I will eat!