The Hearse and I

As all know, I am NOT mechanical. I’d like to be. Just didn’t turn out that way. So when old pickup decided to eat its battery, I had no idea what to do. Managed to get it started one more time and dropped in off at the fix-it shop, hoping for the best. Well, it’s a week and a half later, and pickup truck remains in the auto shop’s critical care unit.

Thus on foot, I had to call upon family and friends to provide transportation for me for the 10-minute ride back and forth to home. Family didn’t answer the call, but Lunch Bunch member and best bud Delanna did. She and I have shared many OMG moments. Those moments include being left at an international airport not once, not twice, but THREE times by an airline which I refuse to do business with ever again! And we both had our granddaughters in tow. Then there was the flight through a powerful lightning storm on one of that airline’s planes. I still have the marks on my hand where Delanna, who hates to fly, grabbed hold and wouldn’t let go. Perhaps she didn’t like being that much closer to heaven.

Delanna gave me a kitten years ago. I named it in her honor, and he still lives with me even though I call him Delanna’s cat. Delanna hates cats. And when she has a question about dog illnesses she calls me if no vet is immediately available. Not that I know much. Through critter and our own illnesses, we support one another. So that’s why Delanna offered me the use of her extra vehicle. It’s always nice to have one. I hesitated. Being responsible for your own vehicle is one thing. Driving someone else’s vehicle scares the daylights out of me. What if I wreck it? What if somebody comes out of nowhere and wrecks it with no assistance from me? EEK! But, under the circumstances, i.e. walking the seven miles home and back. I accepted the offer.

Now, this vehicle has a history of its own. It’s paid for, which is a good thing. But its long body style and dark navy blue color have led Lunch Bunch members and others to give it a name. We call it The Hearse. We have enjoyed a lot of jokes about The Hearse, but I didn’t at this particular time. Number 1 – The Hearse’s name seemed to predict for me a forbidding wrecked future. Number 2 – It’s always hard to drive a vehicle, even a rental, when all the controls are in opposite places from the norm in your own vehicle. That happened big time to me on one trip to The Mouse House, otherwise known as Disney World. I tried unsuccessfully over and over to put gas in a tank that was already full, but I didn’t realize it because gas gauge was the exact opposite of mine own vehicle’s. Remember, I said I am NOT mechanical.

So, when Delanna introduced me to The Hearse’s controls, I paid closed attention. The one thing The Hearse has got that I don’t have on the old pickup is that key-locking door, with sound effects. Turned out I needed them all.

Thus The Hearse and I set out upon our adventure together. But, I was halfway to Fort Smith stores, and I had coupons. Was this hobby shopper gonna turn back to go home? Absolutely not. I went shopping. Yep. Did good too. Came out with arms full of packages. Couldn’t find door-unlocking key. Had to drop all packages to initiate key search. Finally found key. Couldn’t figure out how to open The Hearse’s rear door. Called The Hearse a few names, then stuffed all packages next to me in the passenger’s seat. Ok. Off we went. Next store has a huge parking lot, and on this day, parking lot was full. I was not intimidate and I found a spot to park The Hearse. I shopped. After all, I had coupons! Exited store after dark with armload of packages. Had put key in accessible place, and was proud of myself for doing so. But I couldn’t find The Hearse. Where had I parked? Knew the parking spot was off from my usual parking area, but how hard can it be to find a hearse? It was hard in the dark. I wandered that parking lot for 10 minutes, hoping nobody was noticing that I couldn’t find my ride. Then it hit me. I had the key! And this magic key would make The Hearse sound off and flash lights. Thus I staggered around parking lot, loaded down like a donkey with goods, and squeezing that key continually, hoping The Hearse would announce itself. Didn’t realize until then that you sort of have to be within key range for the magic key to work. On my third trip around the lot, The Hearse finally spoke to me and flashed its lights, unlocking and locking its doors, over and over as I clicked that key. The only thing that could have been better was if it had been my own old pickup, who is really easy to find in a dark parking lot, but doesn’t talk or flash at all. But that truck is all mine.

Yes. I appreciate the loan of The Hearse, but I want my pickup truck back!