How I Became Obsessed with Grilled-cheese Sandwiches

Warning:  If you have been afflicted by some sort of ugly bug, and are now the residence for the flu or perhaps a nasty digestive system revolt, do not watch all those cooking shows on public TV. I did. It was awful. Digestive system was in revolt this week, refusing any and all food, including the chicken soup I tried downing. At first chicken-soup sip my revolting tummy clinched tight and refused to cooperate. So I was laying on the couch, with handy bucket nearby just in case, bored beyond reason. And then I turned TV to our wonderful OETA, and there they were – cooking show, cooking show, cooking show.

Normally I like the cooking shows. My favorites are America’s Test Kitchen (ATK) and Martha Bakes. I don’t, and never have, cooked or baked anything they have demonstrated on air. There are several reasons for this. Number one – they are too complicated. Let’s face it. I can’t match the popular Chefs Martha or Chris from ATK. Number 2 – not only are those recipes complicated, they can be very expensive if you start adding up all the ingredients, none of which, probably, are in my cabinets, and if they are they may be 10 or 20 years old. So, I don’t bother, but I love to watch.

And watch I did. Oh no. Martha was baking cakes, to be decorated with buttercream icing. Guess what? I can make buttercream icing! And at ATK whole wheat pizza was on the menu, along with an adult version of the grilled-cheese sandwich. I wanted that sandwich so badly I could taste it. My tummy immediately tightened and demanded I not even imagine that grilled-cheese sandwich. But why not? Grilled-cheese sandwiches are usually non-tummy constricting. I could understand if I wanted a bowl of chili with jalapenos. That’s a dish I wouldn’t eat even if my tummy was agreeable. I still confess to a Yankee tongue that prefers mild over HOT. But cake with buttercream icing? I remember groaning in despair as my tummy clinched again. And so I became obsessed with that grilled-cheese sandwich.

I did try to follow the grilled-cheese sandwich recipe, which called for cheeses I’ve never heard of before, so I gave that up too. Although I did promise that as soon as my stomach would cooperate I was gonna make plain old American cheese grilled sandwiches. Yes. That’s plural, because at that point on the couch I was sure I could eat more than one. Perhaps two or three, if my stomach would just cooperate. Which it wasn’t doing at that time. To compensate, I ate a Frito. Just one. Surely tummy could handle that. It did, sort of.

I went in search of something other than food on the TV. Um-hum. Here is the show called “The Chew.” No thanks. I can chew right now, but I better not swallow. Then I found Julia Child (What?) making pies. Hasn’t Julia gone on to the great big kitchen in the sky? Yep. But she’s so popular she’s back on public broadcasting again. And Wow! I can make pies. I wanted to make a pie at that very moment. My tummy said, “No.” Then there’s the guy from the Louisiana bayou. I don’t normally like Cajun, but he was busy making breakfast and Angel biscuits. Oh how I wanted a biscuit with jelly. Mental note to self:  Buy biscuits!

Good grief. You would think I could have found a show, or even shoved a movie into the DVD player, that had nothing to do with cooking! But I was obsessed. I wanted food. I really, really wanted food! I really, really wanted a grilled-cheese sandwich. So tummy and I had a discussion. And that worked. My un-cooperating tummy and I have been separated for about 12 hours now, and by golly, it kept down another Frito. So now I am on my way to the grocery store with a very long list. But basically, all I want is a grilled-cheese sandwich.