Thoughts on Senior Citizenship

My Senior Citizen Funny Filosophers are at it again. They love to email me wisdom of the ages, their ages. After all, they are so much older than me. Ha.

Read on and think about the days to come, in those Golden Years.

-I think more about running away now than I did as a kid. But by the time I put my teeth in, put my glasses on and find my keys, I forget where I’m going.

-I don’t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy foods out of my hand.

-Why is it that the one who snores the loudest is always the first one to fall asleep?

-Calories are the little devils that get together at night and sneak into your closet to sew your clothes up tighter. My closet is infested with the little devils.

-The best thing about being older is I did all my stupid stuff when I was younger, before the Internet.

-Pardon me. My body is experiencing technical difficulties right now.

-Nothing makes you feel so old as having to scroll down, way down, to find your year of birth. I’ve often thought about stopping sooner.

-Words on motorcycle-themed T-shirt: Sons of Arthritis – Ibuprofen Chapter

-I’m not old. I just need some WD-40.

-When I get old I’m not going to sit around knitting. I’m going to be clicking my Life Alert button to see how many handsome firefighters show up.

-The sad part about getting old is you stay young on the inside but nobody can tell any more.

-Don’t be afraid of getting older. You will still do stupid stuff, you’ll just do it slower.

-I think people my age are much older than me.

-Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really! Like a newborn baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants." 

-I still get carded, when I ask for my Senior Citizen Discount.

-You know you are getting older when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work!

-Young at heart. Just slightly older in other places!

-At my age I have seen it all, done it all, heard it all. I just can’t remember it all.

-You know you are ready to retire when getting lucky means finding your car in the parking lot.

-Feeling old means looking at an old picture and wishing you could go back to that moment.

-Coming Soon! Large Type Alphabet Soup!

-Just once I would like to read a medication label that says: “Warning - May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles and increase energy.”

-Inside every older person is a younger person who wants to know, “What the heck happened!”