Red Wasp Wars Declared!

It’s the Red Wasps Wars! How did that happen? What’s causing the red wasps to swarm so inconveniently? Is it Mother Nature’s decision to allow us a beautiful early spring? Well, death to the red wasps! Especially after one crawled up my hand in the middle of the night, and stung me not once but twice on the hand! And that results in a death sentence for the offending wasp! And every other red wasp that dares invade my private space. Never mind that it was 2 a.m. Such wars know no time limit.

Those two stings resulted in a long, long night. Watching hand swell to enormous proportions, I decided some immediate emergency medical attention was needed. I went to the freezer. The only packaged frozen food that fit on top the hand, then between the little and ring fingers and onto the palm of the hand was a little frozen steak. That steak and I spent the rest of the night together. Well, we spent about two hours together, until the heat generated by those red wasp stings caused the little steak to thaw. Now I know how to quickly defrost a steak. Get stung by a wasp!

After hours of trying to freeze my own hand, the pain diminished but the swelling did not. There was no wearing of jewelry the next morning. The hand looked like it belonged to that Marshmallow Man. It didn’t hurt. It just didn’t work. Nevertheless, work called so I retreated to the bathroom to prepare for the work day. Everything went well until I stepped out of the shower. Still dripping wet and with only a dry towel as a weapon, I was attacked by (Good Grief!) another red wasp. Are you kidding me!?! I confess. I ran from the battlefield, without uniform on of any kind. Unfortunately, Holly, the house cat, was in the way and did not respond properly to the command to “GET OUT OF THE WAY!” Consequently poor little Holly looked somewhat like a black and white soccer ball in an intense game as I ran from the field of battle. Could not understand why that cat seemed to think she was supposed to stay right in front of me. She got kicked all the way to the dining room.

That’s where I finally came to a halt to regroup and decided it was time to declare war. So far its 2 versus 2 – two stings for them and two dead wasps for me. Yep, I dried off, put some clothes on and killed that wasp. And I am now fully armed in the bathroom, where I have secured my weapons, one fly swatter and one can of wasp spray. All I can say is Holly better run when I tell her to.

Later at work, where I related my wasp war adventures of the night and morning, found out Delanna N., of KXMX advertising, had the same problem, and had already been stung once herself. “How do they get in?” she demanded. “They crawl in through every little crack and hole,” we told her. I’ve seen them enter through a ceiling light fixture, through heating vents, etc. They are sneaky little dudes, attacking when they can’t be seen, like in the middle of the night when I’m sound asleep. So let the Red Wasp Wars begin. War is declared, cause I’m mad, but at least not as swollen any more. Now, if I can just get house cat Holly to stay out of the way!