Thoughts on Halloween

I like Halloween. I don’t dress up. I just like it because the kids like it. They like the dressing up and the candy. Hey, I like the candy.

But I’m not a big Halloween fan. So I went looking on the Internet for others’ opinions. Found some great stuff. Read on!

-The only thing we have to fear is fear itself…and spiders. (Me: Yep!)

-On Nov. 1 my diet is 99 percent CANDY! (Me: Yep!)

-Halloween is the only day I can convince others that my children really are monsters.

-Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cackle manically and people back away slowly. (Me: I’ve got to learn to cackle.)

-For Halloween, I’m giving up caffeine. If that doesn’t scare everyone, nothing will. (Me: Yep!)

-A friend told me her neighbors kids look better in masks.

-Happy Halloween to all those I trust not to leave me for dead during a zombie apocalypse.

-For Halloween I’m going to write “That’s Life” on a white T-shirt and hand out lemons.

-Nothing about Halloween scares me. What scares me is when I flush someone else’s toilet and the water keeps rising. (Me: That has happened to me! Eek!)

-Every Halloween I pretend to be the same thing…Not at Home!

-Exercising should be like Trick or Treating. Walk 20 feet, get candy. Walk another 20 feet. Get more Candy. And so on. (Me: Yep!)

-Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. (Me: Oh gross!)

-If door-to-door solicitors wore costumes and came only one night I year I would open the door for them.

-Vampires sleep all day, fly whenever they want free, and can’t see themselves in a mirror. Where do I sign up?

-When one door closes and another door opens…RUN! Your house is haunted!

-Why Halloween is the best holiday: (1) You are not obliged to visit relatives. (2) You don’t have to buy gifts for anyone. (3) People will give you candy for no reason. (4) It is the only day it is acceptable to go out in public dressed like a penguin.

-If zombies chase us, I’m tripping you. Nothing personal. 

-Hubby saves all the candy wrappers, then fills them with Brussel sprouts before taking them to work.

-Bought the first bag of Halloween candy on Oct. 1. Now on bag number 29. (Me: Yep!)

-Don’t make me call the flying Monkeys!

-If you are reading this then you are blissfully unaware of what is creeping up behind you.

-My lack of housekeeping skills are finally appreciated on Halloween. (Me: Yep! Yep! And Yep!)

-At this point my blood type is pumpkin spice.

-The most difficult Halloween trick is to get the kids and the candy treats to come out even.

-Candy corn is a vegetable, right?

-Sending everyone sincere wishes that all the good spirits take over the bad spirits, may your Halloween night be full of fun and frolic, and may you get lots and lots of candy, and no stomach ache. Happy Halloween.

‘Sallisaw Shops’ Is Here!

If “Cleveland Rocks!” then “Sallisaw Shops!”

Shopping is my hobby so I attended all of Sallisaw’s popup events this year and I was amazed and deliriously happy. Sallisaw’s popup stores on the library lawn offered everything you could think of and then more. It was fabulous. Yes, I spent money and loved every second of it.

I can hardly wait til the next one.

And all that shopping got me thinking. Am I the only shopping hobbyist? Well of course not, and not according to the crowds at the popups and the following, found online of course.

-The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.

-A woman with good shoes is never ugly, said Coco Chanel.

-Nothing haunts us like the things we didn’t buy.

-Cinderella never asked for a prince. She asked for a night off and a dress.

-I feel the same way about clothes as I do about food. I want everything!

-If you can’t stop thinking about it, buy it!

-Just let me shop and no one gets hurt.

-I could give up shopping, but I’m not a quitter.

-Shopping has been proven to be extremely therapeutic for women, relieving stress as well as strengthening the immune system.

-A woman has two problems, nothing to wear and no room to store all the clothes.

-Women who spend a lot of time shopping live longer and are less likely to suffer from depression.

-Only two phrases can change a woman’s mood. 1. I love you. 2. 50 percent off!

-If shopping doesn’t make you happy, then you are in the wrong shop.

-Shortest horror story ever – Sold Out!

-Shopping with your husband is like hunting with the game warden.

-No matter how you feel – get up, dress up, show up and never give up.

-To shop or not to shop? What a silly question!

-Online shopping is good because it is frowned upon to be in a store with no bra, in sweatpants and holding a glass of wine.

-It’ an “Add to Cart” kind of day.

-Life is too short to wearing boring clothes.

-Keep calm and shop on.

-Mondays are nothing that a bit of shopping can’t fix.

-Let a girl buy a pair of shoes and she can conquer the world.

-Shopping is my cardio.

-Stress does not go with my outfit.

-Whoever said laughter is the best medicine obviously never tried shopping.

-Girls never stop playing dress up.

-Being an adults sucks. Shopping helps.

-Saturdays are for shopping

-Common sense is genius dressed in work clothes.

-Men go shopping to buy what they want. Women go shopping to find out what they want.

That is so true. Shop On! And don’t forget, the Sallisaw Main Street next popup day is Oct. 14!

Stories About the Cooks

I don’t claim to be a great grill cook, although I do love my charcoal grill and feeding my family outdoors, no matter what the weather.

One Thanksgiving I was grilling outdoors, in the rain, under an umbrella, but that was only because the stove had quit for some reason.

Thank goodness this Labor Day my Darling Daughter decided to do the gilling outdoors, which was fine by me. Than you Darling Daughter. Love your burgers and hot dogs.

I like to cook, but have not been named by my family as the Best Cook in the World, although they do love my potato salad. But my Country Philosopher friend sent an email this week defining Lousy Cooks. I hope he wasn’t referring to me. I’ve only set the kitchen on fire once, er, twice. He said:

You are a lousy cook if… 

-Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire alarm. (I took the battery out! But doggoneit, they put it back in!)

-Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yogurt. (It was a popcorn ball!)

-Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like. (They said they liked porridge.)

-Your little daughter goes outside to make mud pies, and the rest of the family grabs forks and follows her. (Daughter makes excellent pies!)

-Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer. (And Tums, and Rolaids, and…never mind.)

-You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle. (Can I help it if the dog buries the leftovers I leave in her bowl?)

-Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner. (All kids are invited, but their parents seem to be a little cautious.)

-Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer. (Well, OK. No one at my house gets excited when the smoke detector goes off.)

-No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple. (My poor sister-in-law did her best to teach me how to make gravy. I’m so sorry that didn’t work. Bu that gravy in a jar is pretty good.)

So much for Country Philosophers. I have another friend, who shall remain nameless because I don’t want her hurting me, who was so excited about her Labor Day meal.

“I didn’t have to cook,” said my friend, who has set her kitchen on fire more than I have. “My granddaughter grilled some hamburgers. They were great.”

I asked her to remind me how old her granddaughter is.

“She’s 13.”

A 13-year-old grills while grandma chills? Wow. At last, I’ve found a grandma cook who rivals me. Yippee!

Birds and Books, or Things to Do on a Hot Day

O.K. I admit it. I’m a sucker for hummingbirds.

And, I’m a huge fan (sounds better than sucker doesn’t it) of the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation and it’s website.

Now the ODWC doesn’t just concentrate on hunting and fishing, although if you want to know anything about Oklahoma hunting and fishing the ODWC website is the place to go.

The website also has lots of news and information about all the state’s wildlife (No, not OU and OSU!)

While visiting there recently I found the following about our hummingbirds, which are incredible little creatures. So, I offer that information here, and hope you get to at least watch a hummer and feed one too. 

The ODWC tells us:

With Oklahoma's hummingbird feeding season in full swing and sizzling summer temperatures looming, biologists with the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation's Wildlife Diversity Program offer the following hints for a successful hummingbird season.

Fill Feeders Weekly

"We recommend refilling and cleaning your hummingbird feeders on a weekly basis," said Melynda Hickman, wildlife diversity biologist for the Wildlife Department. "A simple four-part water to one-part sugar solution should do the trick."

Most commercially available feeders have enough red coloration to attract the small birds; adding red food coloring to the sugar-water solution is not necessary.

Though hummingbirds will use a variety of feeder styles, those with a wide mouth are easiest to clean. "When sugar-water is left in the hot sun, harmful bacteria may begin to grow," Hickman said. "A bottle brush and hot, soapy water is the ticket to a clean feeder."

Ease Territorial Disputes

Hummingbirds may be our state's smallest birds but they have a lot of attitude, especially at feeders. "Adding multiple feeders -- out of sight of one another -- may help cut down some of the territorial disputes and allow more hummingbirds to feed," Hickman said.

Prevent Pesky Pests

For many hummingbird enthusiasts, ants, wasps and other insects are unwelcome visitors. To deter these "pests," consider feeders with bee or wasp guards. These plastic mesh covers prevent insects from reaching the sugar-water. Water traps can be used to dissuade ants. "I've found that water traps hanging above the feeder work better than those built into the feeder," Hickman said.

Make Your Backyard a Hummingbird Oasis

"Hummingbirds also love feeding from blooming flowers," Hickman said. "We've found that salvia, trumpet creeper, coral honeysuckle and bee balm are all frequently visited by hummingbirds." Learn more about wildlife-friendly landscape designs in "Landscaping for Wildlife: A Guide to the Southern Great Plains," available in the Wildlife Department's Outdoor Store.

The ruby-throated hummingbird is Oklahoma's most common hummingbird species. These birds begin arriving in our state in March and migrate back to Central America by early November. Two white eggs are laid in tiny nests built on a downward sloping tree limb from May to July.

Southwestern Oklahoma hummingbird feeders may be visited also by the black-chinned hummingbird.

Celebrate these long-distance migrants by downloading a free hummingbird coloring page from the Cornell Lab of Ornithology.

Yes, I have returned to my adolescence and am coloring too. Now, of course, we call it adult coloring. And the free coloring page offered is fabulous. Give it a try. Take a moment, do a bit of adult coloring, and watch those birds!

A Man’s Thoughts on Things

A friend recently sent me a list of his opinions on things. Then he asked why I never responded to his emails.

I told him I didn’t know I was supposed to respond. He said I was. But I just decided to share.

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

♦ I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. 

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 percent of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ A recent study has found that woman who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks ..but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

And there you have it. A married and retired man’s opinion on, well, almost everything. I asked him how his wife responded. “She loves me,” he said. I hope so.

And everyone who reads here may respond.

Goodbye Gallbladder, and Good Riddance

I have returned from the missing.

For those who stop by here occasionally, I feel I should explain why I went missing for a month.

On April 1 (how appropriate) my gallbladder and I had a disagreement. Because gallbladder would not listen to reason, it was required to leave the premises. . . that being me.

After sharing this information with friends and family, I have come to the conclusion that I may have possibly been the only person left in the world who had a gallbladder. Almost everyone I know has had their gallbladder removed, including a son who didn’t even tell me about it! He said it was no big deal. He walked in. They took out gallbladder. He walked out.

Well, no big deal until the complications set in. With me, complications were a daily surprise, surprise.

My rebelling gallbladder was a surprise from the very beginning. It gave me no warning, other than two bouts of upset stomach, taken care of quickly with a couple of antacid pills.

Then at 1 a.m. on April 1 – Whamo! I texted Darling Daughter, “Stomach hurts. I’m going to emergency ward.” This stomach ache was not to be deterred by a mere pill.

It took one great doctor, three nurses, a whole bunch of tests, one great big pain-killing shot, and one warm blanket at Sequoyah Memorial Hospital to get gallbladder under enough control to transfer me to Mercy Hospital in Fort Smith for surgery so gallbladder and I could part ways.

And I want to offer a great big thank you to the staff at Sequoyah Memorial Hospital emergency ward for the best-ever care, on-target diagnoses and compassion they showed to me, who was a babbling cry-baby at that point.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Dr. Richard Pearson and R.N.s Samantha Harriman, Carol Heaton and Chelsea Real.

They held my hand. They told me it was gonna’ be OK. They told me a surgeon in Fort Smith was gonna’ take that nasty gallbladder out. They told me they knew how much it hurt. They never left my side.

They were and they are amazing. I love those people. I even think I told them that after they gave me that great-big pain shot and wrapped me up in a warm blanket.

Of course I don’t remember much after that gallbladder pain and that great-big pain shot. I even had to ask Darling Daughter later how she got there.

“You texted me,” she replied, “and drove yourself to the emergency ward before I could even get to you.”

Oh yeah, I sort of remember.

I wanted Darling Daughter to take me on to the Fort Smith hospital, but for some reason, possibly my condition, my health care persons didn’t think that was a good idea, and they called an ambulance.

I have a question for ambulance companies.

Why are there no shocks in an ambulance? Even with that great-big pain shot, I felt every bump in the road all the way to Fort Smith. The ambulance crew was great, and took good care of me. But on my, when you’ve got a stomach ache as bad as a mad gallbladder, every bump counts.

And that was just the first six hours of Sally’s gallbladder adventure. The tale goes on for days, and days, and days. Well, eight days. Eight lo-o-ong days at Mercy Hospital.

But they were good too. I got the best care anyone could hope for, especially after all the complications set in. Those included:

-Bad gallbladder upset my pancreas, and I developed pancreatitis, with fever, which required three days of antibiotics before we could dump that gallbladder.

-That caused my breathing to get complicated, and 24-hour oxygen, which limits access to the bathroom.

-That caused my heart to have a tantrum and I got moved to the cardiac floor, on the orders of Sister Michaela, hospitalist. (Someday I’ll tell you about Sister Michaela. who is awesome!)

-And when they finally decided I could go home, at the last minute they decided I had a magnesium shortage, and I had to spend another two hours getting a straight shot of magnesium into my slippery veins.

Oh, I did forget to tell them I have slippery veins. That’s what the poor blood-taking folks at the hospital now call me . . .slippery veins. Seems every time a needle is stuck into my arm to take blood or deliver some necessary medicine, my veins slip away. This, it turns out, is quite upsetting to those blood-taking folks. One poor guy actually ran from the room after only one try and I never saw him again. On another day they called in some kind of expert who was not happy. Well, it was the dinner hour. But she had to bring an ultrasound machine (she said) in to find that dang slippery vein. Didn’t take her long. She was either mad at me or very hungry and missing dinner. She got the job done and left quickly. 

My apologies to all those folks. I’ve known I had slippery veins ever since I was pregnant with Darling Daughter many years ago, when they couldn’t find those veins even then. 

And those are just few of my gallbladder adventures. But everything is fine now, and my sincere thanks to all those at Sequoyah Memorial Hospital and Mercy Hospital for their kind and health-giving care. I survived thanks to you!

Happy Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is Sunday. I am among those who wish their mothers were still here to be honored. I can only hope that my Mom would be proud of the mother I produced, also known as Darling Daughter, and her daughter, the fabulous Beautiful Granddaughter, who wrestles daily with a 3-year-old son.

There is nothing I can say to honor them enough. So I went to the Internet, and found the following by those who can say it so much better than I can.

-“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” Abraham Lincoln

-“I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.” Abraham Lincoln

-“Life began with waking up and loving my mother’s face.” George Eliot

-“My mom is definitely my rock.” Alicia Keys

-“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” Robert Browning

-“It may be possible to gild pure gold, but who can make his mother more beautiful?” Mahatma Gandhi

-“Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.” William Makepeace Thackeray

-“Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.” Sophocles

-“A mother’s arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them.” Victor Hugo

-“Mother’s love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.” Erich Fromm

-“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Theodore Hesburgh

-“There is nothing in the world of art like the songs mother used to sing.” Billy Sunday

-“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” Barbara Kingsolver

-“The love of a mother is the veil of a softer light between the heart and the heavenly Father.” Samuel Taylor Coleridge

-“For when a child is born, the mother also is born again.” Gilbert Parker

-“Motherhood is …difficult and…rewarding.” Gloria Estefan

-“I was always at peace because of the way my mom treated me.” Martina Hingis

-“My mother is a walking miracle.” Leonardo DiCaprio

-“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” Tenneva Jordan

-“Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs…since the payment is pure love.” Mildred B. Vermont

-“If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been.” Robert Brault

-“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.” Author Unknown

-“All mothers are working mothers.” Author Unknown

-“Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.” Marion C. Garretty

-“Mother – that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries.” T. DeWitt Talmage

-“A mother understands what a child does not say.” Author Unknown

-“A mom’s hug lasts long after she lets go.” Author Unknown

Two Treasures to Visit

It’s good news!

It was exciting to learn from the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation that Sequoyah County has the second best place in the state to watch birds (actually wildlife of all kinds) at the Sequoyah National Wildlife Refuge, and the overall county is number 10 in the state as the best place to be a bird watcher.

As a novice birdwatcher, who knows pretty much absolutely nothing about birds, it has been amazing to me how many birds there are in my own back yard. I can now recognize 20 or 30 different feathered friends. Before getting my bird book and a pair of binoculars I could barely tell the difference between a robin, a cardinal and a blue jay. I’m much better now. It’s those 30 or 40 different types of sparrows that keep me confused.

The wildlife department is a big help. The wildlife department is more good news for us if you don’t know already. And they have a great website, with all kinds of information for hunters, fishermen, and people like me who just like to observe wildlife.

Our wildlife department cooperated recently with the Cornell University Ornithology Lab and the National Audubon Society on the Great Backyard Bird Count. I counted my birds but didn’t send in the info. Wish I had now. It was the smart bird counters who went to the wildlife refuge and counted 53 different types of birds that got us in the top 10. That’s exciting. Think I’ll go to the refuge myself. But there’s nothing I like better than sitting on my own back porch on a sunny morning and taking photos of my birds, many of whom I know by name now. Yes, I name my wild birds.

Chad Ford, the outdoor recreation planner at the refuge, said a visit would be good.

“We encourage everyone to get outdoors and enjoy their local treasure, the Sequoyah National Wildlife Refuge,” Ford said. “Not everyone gets a wildlife refuge in their own back yard.”

Yes, our wildlife refuge and our wildlife department are both treasures I thoroughly enjoy.

Now the wildlife department is joining in the Virtual Spring BioBlitz! OK 2017 Project. This is for people like me who would rather observe wildlife than pseudo-star people on TV. The project will have we observers (also known as citizen scientists) taking photos of both fauna and flora (critters and plants for those who didn’t like biology), which we then post on the iNaturalist website. According to Oklahoma wildlife, participation is free and prizes will be awarded to the top observers. New challenges will be posted each week with opportunities to win additional prizes and compete with fellow citizen scientists statewide.

During last year’s inaugural virtual BioBlitz! More than 2000 observations were made of 701 species in the state, so the competition is rough. But I still signed up, and hope I can find out the name of that pretty salamander that lives under my back porch.

You know, sometimes we get really tired of all the bad news. Well, here’s good news – our wildlife department and wildlife refuge.

So come on in, join the watchers, have some fun, and meet new critters. Visit the wildlife refuge south of Vian and visit the wildlife department on the internet. I love both places.

40 Bags in 40 Days

This is the update report on the three-generation 40 Bags in 40 Days Purge, to which Darling Daughter challenged me and her own daughter, my granddaughter.

Don’t think Darling Daughter thought I could do it. I didn’t either. But, yep, I’m right on schedule. I do have these rules about “Use It or Lose It” and “Wear It or Share It.” Doesn’t mean I follow the rules. Even my own.

Darling Daughter has been texting us about her own purge success. Gorgeous Grandddaughter hasn’t texted one word. I suspect there is little purging going on at her house. But anyone with a 3-year-old doesn’t get to do much but chase the 3-year-old around, so we understand.

I had never heard of the 40-day purge before Darling Daughter brought it up. Maybe that is why my house needs a purge. I find it hard to throw anything away. I may need it. I might not need it today, but I might need it in 10 years or so. And that recalls another of my rules. If I throw it away or get rid of it, whatever it is, something will come up and I will need it within 24 hours. But I won’t have it anymore because I threw it away. It never fails.

Nevertheless, I agreed to do the purge, because Darling Daughter is always challenging me. But I looked it up on the internet first.

Good Grief! There is a whole 40 Bags in 40 Days world out there. These people must live and breathe purging. How can they have anything to purge if they keep purging all the time? They are so busy throwing things away they don’t have time to buy anything.

And they make lists, lots and lots of lists. One list suggests what areas to purge, one per day, for 40 days. The list goes from the basement to the attic, and even includes such things as your makeup bag, your bookcase and your liquor cabinet. All I can say is I’m too old for a makeup bag, don’t touch my books and ha, ha, ha, I don’t have or need a liquor cabinet. Uh, well, I may need one after this purge thing.

Another lists all the things you should throw out, like thin and frayed washcloths and towels (but they make good dust cloths); shopping bags (hey if that bag says Disney on it, it’s staying); and jeans that don’t fit anymore (I am going to lose weight). That list had 60 items on it.

One lists demands we toss out “scraps of mail.” I don’t even know what that is. If it’s a scrap, it was gone a long time ago. Another list says to toss out old receipts and checks. But someone else said they should be kept for at least two years! One list suggests getting rid of flat surfaces because they gather clutter. Terribly sorry but earth’s gravitation suggests I have a flat surface for my coffee cup if nothing else!

So I made a big decision, and decided to kick off my purge by dumping all those lists. That worked well. Then I did dumped old mail. I will donate all those glass vases that came with flowers on Mother’s Day, and I packed up all the boxes I save cause I might need them next Christmas.

We’re 10 days into the 40-day purge, and I’m still on track. Only 30 days to go. I’m so proud.

The only thing is, my house doesn’t look different at all!

The Baffled Bird Watcher

I’m the Baffled Bird Watcher

A cuckoo? Are you kidding me? I thought cuckoos were itty bitty wooden birds that jumped out of fancy clocks! But there he/she was, in all its glory. A yellow-billed cuckoo. Wow! And I got a photo of that one.

Of course I would not have known that without my bird ID book, through which I had to go from cover to cover to find the cuckoo. Of course it was written that cuckoos, although shy, are common in Oklahoma. 

I always wanted to know what birds I was looking at but never had the time to figure them out, or look them up in a bird book, until I sort of retired. Now I thumb through that book on a daily basis. But I’m still baffled.

I’m baffled because every time I spot a new bird (well, new to me), my book tells me that particular bird is common in Oklahoma.

Then it tells me there are hundreds, if not more, types of sparrows. How am I supposed to tell sparrows apart if they won’t stand still for identification, and they all look alike anyway? I’m baffled by sparrows.

This past weekend a bird of prey baffled me. Why are most hawks brown and speckled? Hawks are gorgeous. I love hawks and birds of prey. I can ID two – the bald eagle (we all better know that one) and the red-tailed hawk (all Oklahomans better know that one). All the rest baffle me.

A little brown speckled and barred bird of prey baffled me mightily on Saturday. Nothing better than sitting on the back porch watching my backyard birds eat on a spring day. Then, out of nowhere, one of my songbirds (couldn’t tell which one cause it was flying at super-sonic speed for good reason) plunged from over the roof above my head, and dived into a large crape myrtle bush. Tiny bird didn’t stop there. It kept right on flying.

That’s because right behind it was a small hawk of some sort. But this poor hawk wasn’t small enough for that overgrown shrub. He/She came to a crashing halt in the crape myrtle. He/She was small, but not small enough.

I heard the crash and watched the bird quietly, to make sure it was OK. Hawk took a while to recover, but it did. Then it took wing and flew off to the west and perhaps better hunting on Kerr Lake.

And that is when, and only then, I got to see it was a little hawk with speckled feathers and a barred tail. Couldn’t wait to get to my bird book to figure it out. Oh dang. According to the IDs, most all Oklahoma birds of prey are speckled with barred tails. I’m never gonna’ figure this out.

I’d like to think the little bird of prey was a peregrine falcon. But more than likely was a sharp-shinned hawk or a Cooper’s hawk, according to my book. They are both quite common in Oklahoma.

And I’m sorry, but both look alike to me, and my hawk didn’t stand around waiting for his/her photo op. But I’m not giving up. Maybe someday I’ll have camera in hand, and I’ll get a photo of my bird of prey, and be able to figure out who is or trying to eat, my sparrows.

Elderly Insomniacs Learn Lots on the Internet

Still, “Quigley” is a good movie, and I watched it to the very end. Still insomniated, I decided to check out Quigley and his super horse.

Whoa!

What I found on the internet made my . . .night. According to published reports (I hope we can believe them) Tom hung out with the wranglers on the set of Quigley, because he thinks of himself as more of a cowboy than actor. And, while making Quigley, he fell in love with that horse. It was reported the horse was a quarter horse-cross, and stood 16 hands. Its name was Spike. It was brought in for Selleck because he, at 6 feet 4 inches tall, looked like he was riding a pony on all the other horses on set.

Consequently Tom fell in love with Spike. He begged to buy him. Owning wrangler said, “No.” But at the end of the movie, the wranglers liked Tom so much they presented him with Spike as a gift. Tom spent $7,000 to fly Spike back to his new home on Tom’s California ranch, where Spike was ultimately retired at the age of 22. I found no report on Spike’s demise, but considering that was over 20 years ago, it is probable that Spike has gone on to that great pasture in the sky.

I knew I loved Tom Selleck for some reason, that being he is a true horseman and cowboy, and isn’t bad on the eyes either. And real life is so much more interesting that fictional movies.

There are other such stories, believe it or not. Johnny Depp was reported to have saved his mount, Goldeneye, from the movie “Sleepy Hollow,” when he found out the gelding was on the way to the killers. Some question that fate, and argue that any horse good enough to be in a movie or known to have been ridden by a movie star, would most certainly not be considered as equine bacon.

As a horseman, my respect for Selleck and Depp is considerably enhanced by their compassion for their co-stars, Spike and Goldeneye. I much prefer a guy who loves his horse. And don’t mind at all staying up all night just to watch.

Reflections on Advancing Age

At a meeting this week, several friends and I complained about the troubles of aging.

One of my friends even asked how old I was. I told her (but that number won’t be mentioned here). She told me her age and the one thing I have to celebrate is that she is five years older than me.

Since I didn’t have a good comeback at the time, I went looking for some on the internet, and found the following.

-“Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old.” Jonathan Swift

-“Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” Oliver Wendell Holmes

-“Men do not quit playing because they grow old — they grow old because they quit playing.” Oliver Wendell Holmes

-“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.” Theodore Roosevelt

-“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” Larry Lorenzoni

-“There is still no cure for the common birthday.” John Glenn

-“If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” Anonymous

-“Age is a high price to pay for maturity.” Tom Stoppard

-“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.” Truman Capote

-“Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” Mark Twain

-“Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.” Anonymous

-“I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past.” Robert Brault

-“Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” Tom Wilson

-“No man is ever old enough to know better.” Holbrook Jackson

-“I am old enough to see how little I have done in so much time, and how much I have to do in so little.” Sheila Kaye-Smith

-“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” Agatha Christie

-“Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.” Jim Fiebig

-“Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips.” John Wagner

-“Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.” John Wagner

-“I don't do alcohol anymore - I get the same effect just standing up fast.” Anonymous

-“First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” Leo Rosenberg

-“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.” Sir Norman Wisdom

-“Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.” Maurice Chevalier

-“Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” Anonymous

-“The idea is to die young as late as possible.” Ashley Montagu

And with those final, somber reflections by those all smarter than me, I close up my computer. Happy old age everyone.

Keep Calm. Winter Will End.

We will now do the Dance of Joy. January is OVER. Yippee!

Obviously I am not a winter person. I do not ski. I do not skate. Might go down a hill once on a sled, then I will go in the house and make hot chocolate for everyone.

I don’t like winter. I don’t like excessive cold, especially when my water pipes freeze. This winter my water pipes have been heated better than I have. We have survived so far.

A little bit of cold is OK. You need a little bit of cold for the garden. It helps gardens.

Speaking of gardens, I, the black-thumb gardener, am like every other gardener around. My new seed catalogs have arrived. I have shopped all of them, and ordered. I pile the catalogs up next to my easy chair. I might need to order something else. The pages of my seed catalogs are worn, and folded, and marked, and some are torn out for further reference.

On the internet I subscribe to all the seed companies. I get daily updates on my email. I read them all carefully. There might be a good deal in there.

On Saturday after I fed the birds, I sat and watched for a while, enjoying their raucous behavior and the sun. The sun felt good, but I will not brag on our fair winter weather so far. I might jinx it. I did wish I could plant something, then had to bite that black thumb. ‘It’s the first of February,’ I reminded myself. ‘Maybe we can think PLANT SOMETHING by mid March. Maybe. Get a grip.’

Do people who don’t garden realize how hard it is for those who do garden to NOT garden? I considered planting a peach or apple tree. I considered just turning over the soil shovel-full by shovel-full. Maybe a little bit of lettuce or a radish or two could pop up before another hard freeze. I ended up picking up trash the wind had blown in or the dog had dragged in.

And I watched my birds. Even though they are wild birds, after you feed them for years, they become your birds.

OK. I don’t mind a little winter. In fact a little winter at Christmas is nearly a necessity. If winter must continue through January, then I suggest some sort of festival in January. It could be a ‘Let’s Have Heat Festival.’ That would at least make January seem shorter, not the 31 long days it is already.

I like February. It is short. Darling Daughter’s birthday is in February, so that helps a lot. March is OK too because that is when Spring arrives, and Handsome Son’s birthday is in March. It is usually warm enough then to cook out. Woohoo!

When is that garden show anyway? Found it. Garden show in Fort Smith is March 17, 18 and 19. I can hardly wait.

But January? January goes on, and on, and on, until I develop Cabin Fever and try to dig the frozen ground up to plant a pansy. Or a bush. Or a tree. Help!

Wait. Wait, I told myself on Saturday. Do not get excited. Spring will come. The ordered seeds will arrive, and you will take the advice delivered by one of you gardening magazines.

That is “Keep Calm and Garden On.”

That does it! I’ve got to order an apple tree!

Super Bowl? Pass the Cheese Dip!

Well, now that my NFL football season is over, what to do next?

None of my favorite teams made it into the Super Bowl over the past championship weekend. Son texted me and asked, “Who is going to win the Super Bowl?”

I texted back, “I don’t care. Oh I’ll watch it, after I make and eat the cheese dip. But I’m only interested in seeing the new commercials. And maybe the half-time show.”

Yep, that means the Cowboys, the Broncos, the Texans, the Chiefs, the Packers are all out! I picked a bunch of teams to support, but wouldn’t you know. None of them made it to the Super Bowl.

So, to celebrate not caring who wins the Super Bowl, I thought we might hear from the losers in past years. At least they make me laugh. Here you go. . .

John McKay is the BEST! 

-“Kickers are like horse manure. They are all over the place.”

-When asked about his teams’ execution, McKay said, “I’m in favor of it.”

-About coaching an expansion team, “You do a lot of praying but most of the time the answer is ‘No.’”

- “Well, we’ve determined that we can’t win at home and we can’t win on the road. What we need is a neutral site.”

-“We didn’t tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.”

-“Emotion is highly overrated in football. My wife Corky is emotional as hell but can’t play football worth a damn.”

-"If you have everyone back from a team that lost 10 games, experience isn't too important."

- A genius in the NFL is a guy who won last week."

-"Opening games make me nervous. To tell you the truth, I'd rather open with our second game."

And then there’s former coach John Madden turned sports broadcaster, who I dearly loved to hear call a game. Madden is the funniest. He said. . .

-“I always used to tell my players that we are here to win! And you know what? When you don't win, you lose.”

-“Don’t do anything great if you can’t handle the congratulations.”

-“The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for the players to break.”

-“Here’s a guy who can use his arms and legs at the same time.”

-“When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to.”

-“If you win a Super Bowl before you're fired, you're a genius, and everyone listens to you. But a coach is just a guy whose best class in grammar school was recess and whose best class in high school was P.E. I never thought I was anything but a guy whose best class was P.E.”

-“Here's a guy who when he runs, he moves faster.”

-“Ninety percent of the game is half mental.”

-“The biggest gap in sports? The difference between the winner and the loser of the Super Bowl.”

No, I don’t care who wins the Super Bowl, as long as it’s not the Patriots. Son had pretty much the same opinion. All he texted back was “Hey, I want some cheese dip!”

Challenged by 40 Bags in 40 Days

Darling Daughter and Granddaughter have made a resolution, dang it! I had made a resolution to make no resolutions. But Darling Daughter and Granddaughter are hard to say “No!” to.

Darling Daughter texted one day, “40 Bags in 40 Days!”

“What are you talking about?” I wanted to know.

Darling Daughter explained. The 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge is for hoarders, like she and I. Starting March 1, we have to pick one area in our homes, and declutter it. We have to get rid of one bag a day, for 40 days in a row. The diabolical inventor of this torment said on the internet that it is OK to get rid of two bags in one day, and take one day off.

Oh thanks!

Granddaughter jumped on that text-message bandwagon immediately. I waited a moment. Well, more than a moment. 40 Bags in 40 Days sounds like work to me. Maybe I could wait 40 days?

Here came another text. “Are you in?”

Hum. Does somebody I know and am related to want me to clean up the house and get rid of all that stuff I’ve been hoarding for 10 years, since I moved into my present abode? But I need all that stuff!

You know that old law that as soon as you throw something out, you need it!?! And there is all the stuff I need for my crafting. You know…that big basket of yarn so I can crochet everybody I know (that means everybody in the county) a hat. Or that huge stack of books I intend to read some day. Or all that drawing and painting stuff piled up in the corner because I love to draw and will someday learn how to paint horses. (And never mind that I have not an artist’s drop of blood in me!)

And then there is all that stuff my kids and grandkids have left with me for safe keeping. Son’s drums from high school? How can I get rid of those and never mind that he is now age 50 and said to “Sell those drums!”

Then there is Darling Daughter’s croquet and badminton set left with me for family cookout days. Well, I gotta’ keep that for goodness sakes. I love family cookout days.

And then there are son’s and grandson’s piles of clothing from before they joined the military and couldn’t get into now if they went on a year-long diet. Well, that stuff might go. But these belonged to my babies!

I mentioned this trauma-inducing challenge at a meeting recently and our good friend MaryLynn Lufkin from Catholic Charities Helping Center in Sallisaw tried to help. MaryLynn likes to help everybody.

“Bring it on down,” she said. “We’ll take it!”

Well, I’ve been promising to do that for years but have not been able to de-hoard myself yet. Maybe it’s time. Maybe I should take a tiny corner of my home every day and declutter it. I even downloaded and printed the organization list for the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge. It’s on my desk somewhere, hiding among piles of recipes and crochet instructions.

I just had one more question for Darling Daughter.

“How big does that one bag have to be? Will a small plastic grocery bag be OK?”

She laughed at me and answered, “YES!”

Oh dang. I’ve got to de-clutter!

No New Year’s Resolutions Please!

The New Year has never been one of my top 10 holidays to celebrate. I much prefer Christmas, the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, my kids’ birthdays.

In fact, I have trouble staying up until midnight on New Year’s Eve. And the older I get, and I’m getting pretty old, the harder it is. I’m usually asleep by 10 p.m. and miss all the hullabaloo about a new year.

Age doesn’t have anything to do with New Year’s resolutions. I never made any resolutions cause I knew I’d never keep them past Jan. 2. I did look up a few resolutions on the ‘net to see who was doing what. They made me laugh because they are so un-keepable.

1. Give up chocolate. That’s a joke, right? That is NOT going to happen. Chocolate is good for you.

2. Spend less than an hour a day on the internet. What!?! Give up my lifeline to the rest of the world? No way!

3. Lose weight. At my age, who cares? Even my doctor agrees.

4. Not tell the same story over and over to my friends. Well, if they will just remind me that I’ve already told that story, once or twice or thrice, then I’ll shut up. It’s an age thing.

5. Write the great American novel. Hey! I’m working on it, OK?

6. Exercise. See #3.

7. Be positive and less sarcastic. Yeah, like that’s gonna’ last past Jan. 2.

8. Stop making lists. I cannot live without my lists. I make lists of my lists. It is impossible to grocery shop without a list. If I didn’t have my grocery list I would starve to death.

9. Learn another language. Why? English is hard enough.

10. Take a Senior Citizens class at the community college. Sounds good, but I would have to get up off that couch to do that.

11. Be financially responsible. Uh, where’s the fun in that?

12. Doctor the house cat for fleas at least once a week. No! That cat bites, and scratches, then messes with my computer, and calls me horrible cat names when I get out the flea spray.

13. Jump out of bed and get to work immediately. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! More coffee please.

14. Take a vitamin daily. Can’t remember what day it is, much less remember to take a vitamin. Don’t remember where I put them anyway.

15. Stop procrastinating. I’ll have to put that one off until tomorrow.

One writer refused to make a resolution because he/she “is already perfect.” I’m not perfect. I’m just sleepy and a bit tired. And I don’t want to make resolutions. They are so out of style.

Instead, for 2017, I will make wishes. I wish happiness and health for all my family, friends and those who deserve it. I wish to spend all my time with my grandchildren and great-grandchildren, who are, of course, perfect.

And I wish the very best for all who visit (or don’t) here for 2017. Happy New Year.