Berra’s Baseball Philosophy, or How to Twist the Language

The world mourns the loss of Lawrence Peter ‘Yogi’ Berra this week.

I

’m not a big baseball fan, except of course when it came to my own sons playing Little League many years ago. Still I have fond memories of major league baseball. I remember my Dad and uncle sitting on the back porch in the summer, drinking beer, and listening to the Cincinnati Reds on the radio. It was a summer tradition. That’s when I heard the Yogi Berra name first, while Dad listened or watched his beloved baseball teams.

But it wasn’t the New York Yankees catcher Berra that got my attention. It was the hilarious twister of the English language Berra that still makes me laugh out loud.

We have all heard Berra’s “It ain’t over till it’s over.” But there are many more Berra quotes, many of which are even funnier.

An internet search reveals even better Berra quotes. Read on and laugh out loud. I did.

“You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours.”

 

“The future ain't what it used to be.”

 

“He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.”

“I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.”

“I can see how he (Sandy Koufax) won 25 games. What I don’t understand is how he lost five.”

“I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.”

“Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.”

 

“If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”

“You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.”

 

“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.”

“Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.”

“You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there.”

 

“A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.”

 

“There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em.”

 

“You can observe a lot by watching.”

 

“You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you.”

 

“Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.”

 

“A lot of guys go, 'Hey, Yog, say a Yogi-ism.' I tell 'em, 'I don't know any.' They want me to make one up. I don't make 'em up. I don't even know when I say it. They're the truth. And it is the truth. I don't know.”

 

“I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question.”

 

As a user of the English language, it must be Berra’s English language twist that tickles me so much. And read carefully, and sometimes contemplate upon Berra’s quotes, because they often reveal a more profound philosophy and understanding than appears at first glance.

Hello Fall. Welcome Back.

Hello Fall, or Autumn if you prefer. So glad to welcome you back.

According to the Farmer’s Almanac, Fall or Autumn 2015 begins at 3:21 a.m. on Sept. 23. I want to be awake to welcome the season. Darling Daughter and I discussed it just last week and decided we love Fall. It is our favorite season. Winter is too cold. Summer is too hot. Spring is too wet. And fall is just right.

Fall brings back a lot of I-want-to's. Like, I want to wear tall boots again, and put away the flip flops.

I want to light candles, and not fear raising the temperature in the house to 

over 100 degrees.

I want to snuggle up in one of the many sweaters I own.

I want to drink hot cider, and hot cocoa, and hot anything.

I want to eat hot chili, both temperature and spicy wise.

I want to build bonfires, and gather the grandchildren around the fire and tell them the ghost stories my mom told me.

I want to burn a hot dog till its black over that bonfire and eat it slathered in mustard.

I want to add a crispy marshmallow as dessert.

I want to watch football, lots and lots of football.

I want to play a game of badminton in the back yard and not sweat.

I want to take a long trail ride on a horse I trust.

I want to crochet an afghan and not get too hot because it must lay on my lap.

I want to go for long walks in the woods and not worry about stepping on a rattlesnake or being bitten by a tick.

I want to sit on the back porch and watch Canadian geese fly by on the way to the wildlife refuge or further south.

I want to know what my great-grandkids are going to wear for Halloween. And I want photos.

I want to be amazed as the leaves on my oaks and maples turn gorgeous colors.

And those are a few of the reasons I like fall.

Fall’s colors are an event that everyone enjoys. So I searched for why. It’s hard to believe what I found. Ha. Ha. Read on, and laugh out loud.

Found on the internet:

Manager of restaurant in New England answers phone and has the following conversation:

Manager:  How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, are you outside?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m in an office. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Caller: “Well, do you know when the leaves change out there?”

Me: “Yes, they’re changing now. They’re very beautiful.”

Caller: “What?! We missed it!”

Me: “No, ma’am, the leaves aren’t done changing.”

Caller: “Well, we live in New York and won’t be able to make it there today. What day do they change back?”

Me: “Um…they don’t change back. They fall, like the season.”

Caller: “Well, when do you put them back on the tree?”

Me: “Er…’Put The Leaves Back On The Trees’ day?”

Caller: “Oh, thank you!”

That story is allegedly true. Apparently some city folks don’t exactly understand how Fall works. I’m so glad I do. Welcome back Fall. We missed you.

Hey Grandkids – It’s National Grandparents Day!

Sunday, otherwise known as Sept. 13, is National Grandparents Day. I would like to remind my grandchildren of that.

Being a grandparent is the greatest job in the world. Nobody believed me until they had their own grandchildren. That’s when they saw the light, especially my own children. I’ve always been proud of my children. Now I’m even more proud of them as grandparents because they have gone as ga-ga over their own grandchildren as I did over mine.

Of course that means I have great-grandchildren. In fact, my little family has been so busy I have lost track of how many great-grandchildren I have. I had to make a list. Between all the connections, reconnections and blended families I think the great-grandchild count is up to eight, and growing. That’s fine with me. I love it.

I searched for National Grandparents Day on the internet, and found out it is always the Sunday following Labor Day. (Mark that on your calendars grandkids!)

The National Grandparents Day website noted the following:

There is a special bond that can only be shared between grandchildren and their grandparents. Grandparents are full of hugs and kisses, family history, wisdom, patience, love and guidance. I can attest to that. Granddaughter has always said that one of her favorite pre-teen memories is when I’d build a bonfire on a cool autumn evening and tell the ghost stories my mother used to tell me. Granddaughter never got to meet her great-grandmother, so those evenings were special to me too.

The forget-me-not is the official flower for National Grandparents Day. Didn’t know that, and would be happy to accept a forget-me-not bouquet.

It is expected that the number of grandparents in the U.S will grow from 65 million in 2011 to 80 million in 2020 as a result of the baby boom. Good Grief! My list grows!

The statute proclaiming Grandparents Day says its purpose is, “…to honor grandparents, to give grandparents an opportunity to show love for their children’s children, and to help children become aware of strength, information, and guidance older people can offer.”

 

Grandparents Day has been celebrated in the United States since 1978.  The U.S Senate and President Jimmy Carter nationally recognized Marian McQuade of Oak Hill, W.V., as the founder of National Grandparents Day.  McQuade made it her goal to educate the youth in the community about the important contributions that seniors have made throughout history.

There are some people who claim the origin of this holiday resides with the efforts of Hermine Beckett Hanna of North Syracuse, N.Y., recognizing seniors and their importance as early as 1961.  New York Congressman James T. Walsh recognized her efforts on Feb. 21, 1990, in front of the House of Representatives, thanking Hanna “for her important role in the establishment of Grandparents Day.”

 

Don’t care who started it. Just want someone to remind my grandchildren about it. Which I guess is what I’m doing right now. And I want to give my grandkids a gift.

Grandkids, forget the cards, the flowers, the gifts, and visit. I’d love to see you. And if you bring one of my great-grandkids along, that would even be GREATER, so to speak. And if that’s not possible, cause I know you are scattered throughout the U.S., then a text or an email will be enough.

And if you are not one of mine, well hey, you got a grandparent somewhere too, right? Be nice. Give ‘em a call.

It’s the Last Summer Holiday

It’s Labor Day, which means a day off, which really doesn't mean a lot to those of us who are retired. What it means to me is “Stay home! People are off work and driving like crazy on the unofficial last day of summer!”

To get others’ opinions on Labor Day, our last summer holiday, I scoured the internet and came up with the following. Enjoy!

Famous Quotes about Work:

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” Edgar Bergen

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.” Robert Orben

“Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, ‘Certainly, I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.”  Theodore Roosevelt

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.”  Bertrand Russell

“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still?”  J. Paul Getty

“Labor Day, when we briefly pause from demonizing unions to enjoy mattress sales in their honor.” Anonymous

“A bad day at work is better than a good day in hell.” Scott Johnson

“I help by staying out of the way while other people work.” Lyle ‘Danny’ Hintz Jr.

“If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.” Lane Kirkland

“I wonder if the clothes in China say, ‘Made around the corner.” Anonymous

Then there are the others we must pay, as follows:

Roland, a businessman, is on his deathbed so he calls his friend and says, “Eli, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.”

“And what,” Eli asks, “do you want me to do with your ashes?”

Roland replies, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'”

Or as follows:

A Government Department claimed an old rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.

“Well,' replied the old man, “There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90 percent of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.”

“That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,” says the agent.

“That would be me,” replied the old rancher.

And finally let’s not forget, grandchildren, that the next holiday up is GRANDPARENTS’ DAY next Sunday!