Something to Make You Smile - Emails from the Senior Citizen Set

My friends in the Senior Citizen Set have been busy on the internet again. Funny how some of those my age won’t go near the internet, yet others can’t live without it (that would be me). Still, friends on line do have a sense of humor, which we shall share today.

-Sign at Restaurant:  No Senior Citizen Discounts. You’ve had twice as long to get the money. Me: And twice as long to spend it!

-Sign at Restaurant:  No. We do not have wi-fi. Talk to each other. Me: Well, OK. That may be pretty good advice.

-Sign on Business Door: Push. If that doesn’t work, pull. If that doesn’t work, we must be closed.

-Sign in Front of Pub:  Today’s soup – Beer. Me: No thanks!

-Sign on Business Door:  Guarded by shotgun three nights a week. You guess which nights! Me: I like that one.

-Business Sign Directing Customers to Restrooms:  Men to the left, because Women are always right. Me: Yep!

-Sign Above Business:  Teach your kids about taxes. Eat 30 percent of their ice cream. Me: That one made me laugh out loud cause it’s so true!

-­(In response) Sign at Pub: Today’s Offer – buy any two drinks and pay for them both. Me: Hey, I’m a Senior Citizen!

-Sign from Another Pub: Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will water or milk. Me:  Yeah, but water and milk don’t make them worse! Obviously, I don’t like liquor. Wine on the other hand…

-Liquor Store Legend:  Buy a bottle for mom on Mother’s Day. Remember you’re the reason she drinks. Me: Well, anything a mom can do to get through raising those kids.

-Note to Children:  Respect your parents. They got through school without Google. Me: Well ain’t that the truth?

-More on Today’s Technology:  Cartoon shows crowd taking cell phone photos of drowning man. It’s today’s techies. Me: Don’t have a smart phone. I have a dumb phone.

-Photo of Horse Looking Down at Camera: Horse asks, “You OK? I should have let you know I was stopping.” Me: I have actually been in this situation. It’s not funny.

-Minister Tells Wedding Couple: “You are now man and wife. You may now update your Facebook status.” Me:  I know people who DO THIS!

-Senior Citizen Wife to Hubby:  “You told me you’d spend your whole life trying to make me happy!” His response:  “I didn’t expect to live this long.” Me: Aw.

-Mom to Child with Droopy Pants, While Dad in Background Has Pants around Knees:  “Your father says he’ll stop wearing his pants like that when you do!” Me:  Saw guy doing that just this week! Gross!

-Sign on Basket of Eggs:  Boneless Chicken – 35 cents. Me:  Truth in advertising.

-Caption on Photo of Dog with Trash Can Lid Around Neck:  “I have no idea how it happened.” Me: To my house dog Penny:  “I know how it happened!”

-Caption on Photo of Cat Sitting in Front of Computer:  “I did the math. We can’t afford the dog.” Me: To house cat Nutter, “Stay OFF the computer!”

-And finally, this quote from an author who can really make me laugh, Mark Twain: “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."