I love my Funny Filosophers. They often put into words the things I’m too cowardly to say. So I went searching this week for some of their Zen-in-cheek thoughts and came up with the following.
Or, to be truthful, I have sat on the couch all week and watched the Olympics, which obsess me. Consequently, I have nothing else to talk about.
So relax, read, and enjoy.
1. One Zen student said, "My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating."
The second said, "My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep."
The third said, "My teacher is so wise that he eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired."
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
3. Q How much "ego" do you need?
A: Just enough so that you don't step in front of a bus.
4. A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you."
So I didn't.
5. Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip... joy.
With the second... satisfaction.
With the third, peace.
With the fourth, a Danish.
6. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
7. Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
8. To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
9. Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.
10. Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Why did the Buddhist coroner get fired? Because he’d always record the cause of death as “birth.”
13. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
14. It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
15. A student is on one side of a raging river. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the master on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?” The master shouts back: “You are on the other side.”
16. Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners? A: Because they have no attachments.
17. So, I hear reincarnation is making a comeback.
18. Q: Why are politicians proof of reincarnation? A: You just can't get that messed up in one lifetime.
19. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
20. I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
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