I had just sat down with my first cup of coffee for the day on Friday, and was making lots of plans for a weekend family party in my backyard. Ten people were expected, plus two toddlers, and I wanted to cookout. Extensive plans were needed.
Then my couch trembled. It was more like my derriere felt that first ripple.
“What?!?” I thought.
I checked on housedog Penny, who was lying next to me. Sometimes she gets an itch and scratches hard enough to shake the couch. Nope. Penny was sound asleep.
“That can’t possibly be an . . .” and before I could finish the thought the whole house trembled. It did more than tremble. It shook like a big dog that just climbing out of its bathwater. I sat there astounded while my house rumbled and things fell off shelves.
Yep. That can be an earthquake. In fact, that was an earthquake reminiscent of Alaska where I lived for three years and learned how to live with earthquakes. It was a good 5.8 shake.
But I can’t get used to earthquakes in Oklahoma. Along the Pacific Rim, yes, earthquakes are expected. But they are not, or were not, to be expected in the central United States.
Well they are now, say the experts, who blame our shakes on fracking and disposal well drilling. But no one is really sure. We are sure the following has occurred in Oklahoma:
* 8 earthquakes today (as of noon Friday)
* 69 earthquakes in the past 7 days
*144 earthquakes in the past month
*2,524 earthquakes in the past year
Only got one thing to say. If I wanted to live with earthquakes, I’d still be in Alaska! Now we live with the threat of tornadoes and earthquakes, and wouldn’t you know, the remnants of a hurricane are expected to arrive this weekend and douse us with rain.
All of nature’s calamities should not be expected in one place! Not fair!
I called my insurance agent.
“Do I have earthquake insurance?” I wanted to know.
“No.”
“Well, I want some.”
“You really don’t need it.”
“Yes I do.”
So now I have earthquake insurance, although I gotta’ say, the deductible is kind’a high. I almost let my insurance agent talk me out of it, but, as of Friday morning, I’m glad I’ve got it.
That’s because my new earthquake detector detected another earthquake late Thursday. Yep. I got a derriere tremor. I confess, as an NFL fan, I was watching the Denver Broncos hang on to beat the Carolina Panthers, and that game would have made anyone’s derriere tremble. It was good, especially if, like me, you’re a Broncos fan.
But the NFL doesn’t usually jostle my derriere. My heart might pound, but derriere doesn’t.
So when derriere got the shake signal I immediately thought, ‘Oh no. Not again.’
Housedog was sound asleep again, as usual. Hum, was it another mouse? Those one or two of you that like to read these meanderings might remember my last report on strange derriere signals. A search of couch turned up a smashed mouse.
Well, this couch potato had not smashed another mouse. Derriere had detected a 3.8 earthquake to go along with Friday’s 5.8. I have a new weapon in earthquake detection – my rear end, or derriere. So rest assured readers, if my derriere trembles any more, I will immediately report it on Facebook.
Who needs a seismograph when I got a derriere?
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