The article begins with an illustration of Charlie Brown and his infamous Christmas tree, which is one of the best stories ever told. It’s sort of an ugly-duckling-to-swan story about a tree, but it’s really about Christmas in the heart. I love it so much, I have a Charlie Brown Christmas tree, which has few needles and is tiny.
Next is a photo of a dog chasing the house cat up the Christmas tree. Anyone who has a house cat knows that as soon as the Christmas tree goes up, the cat will be in it. The cat will knock off only the breakable ornaments, will drink all the water in the tree stand, and will pee and poo in the Christmas tree skirt and on your wrapped gifts if you have been stupid enough to put them under the tree, with a cat in the house, like I am.
Up next is a photo of crooked tree. Is there such a thing as a straight Christmas tree? I’ve never had one, and have even had to, as the article suggests, tie the tree to the wall to keep it upright. Which didn’t work either.
TIMBER! The tree fell over. Well of course it did. The cat was in it and it wasn’t straight anyway. My most famous falling Christmas tree is on film for all posterity. Son received a camera for Christmas and daughter was opening a gift when the tree fell on top of her. “Take a photo son,” I advised. And so we have a photo of daughter, under tree, with only her legs sticking out.
All the needles fell off. All believers in real Christmas trees have this problem. That real tree goes up after Thanksgiving. The cat drank all the water in the tree stand. And the needle-less tree doesn’t come down till the New Year. I have actually found Christmas tree needles in the corners of the living room when vacuuming for the Fourth of July.
The Christmas tree has bugs. Trying to save money one year, my kids and I went to the woods, found a perfect cedar tree, cut it down (crooked of course) and put it up for Christmas. The next morning, all warmed up, that little cedar tree unleashed a million ticks on us. Never again!
Tree is too short, or too tall. I err on the too tall side, year after year after year. I‘ve had to apologize to husband and sons on several occasions and years because they had to cut the tree trunk off, again. One year they even had to cut the top off. One year we didn’t cut anything off, and had to climb a ladder to put the star top on. That was a beautiful Christmas tree. Then I made a mistake and turned the ceiling fan on.
Oops. Ceiling fans make good hedge trimmers too. And they can make your Christmas tree look like a hedge.
The tree is my favorite Christmas decoration. And may all your Christmas trees be happy, or at least memorial like mine.
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