Glad I'm a Southerner

My Internet friend has been busy again, sending all her humorous thoughts and philosophical thinking to her family, friends and mere acquaintances around the world. So my philosophical thinking is that if I have to suffer through them, then everybody else does too. Welcome to Nancy’s World.

Well, actually, the following, known as How to Know You Are a Southerner, fits me to a T. I was born a Yankee, in Ohio, but I have southern roots since Mom was Kentucky-born and reared. And now that I have live for 35 years south of the Ohio River, I think I’ve adjusted to Southern ways. Perhaps the following will also explain my change to being a Southerner.

Things I’ve Learned Living in the South

*Nancy: A possum is a flat animal that lives in the middle of the road. Me: Or is digging up my brand new flower bed, and hisses at me when I try to run it off, causing me to flee back into the house!

*Nancy: There are 5,000 kinds of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the south. Me: And my backyard, but I’ve got good at killing snakes. You gotta’ down here.

*Nancy: There are 10,000 kinds of spiders and they all live in the south, plus a couple never seen before. Me: Want to see me run screaming like a girl? Show me a spider. I will brag just a bit. When one showed up in the living room last week, I got on top the couch, armed with a flip flop (what else, this is the south!), and threw it at spider intruder. One pitch-Dead spider! I am so proud.

*Nancy: If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you. Me: I love cutting down those little sticky- burr plants that grow in the lawn, and, please remember, that spider’s not gonna’ bite anybody. Ha!

*Nancy:  Onced and twiced are words. Me:  Huh?

*Nancy: People actually grow, eat and like okra. Me: Another confession; in my first year in the South, couldn’t figure out why anyone would eat slimy okra. I remembered that thought recently when filling my plate with fried okra at a local restaurant’s food bar. Yummy!

*Nancy:  Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and people start drinking it at the age of two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. Me: Darn tootin. But, alas, I have not yet achieved the art of making Southern tea, and I’ve TRIED! Maybe Nancy will take me to the kitchen and show me how it is done.

*Nancy: Backwards and forwards mean I know everything about you. Me: Sittin’ around drinking Southern tea makes us tell all our family secrets. Remember hiding behind a door as a child so we could hear our adults talk about the family secrets? I loved doing that!

*Nancy:  You carry jumper cables in your pickup, for your OWN pickup. Me: How did Nancy know that? Oh yeah. She’s a Southerner.

*Nancy:  You know what a hissy fit is. Me: I used that very word on a phone call just today! I like that word. It’s very expressive.

*Nancy: The first day of deer season is a national holiday. Me: I thought everyone knew that.

*Nancy:  Everyone you meet calls you Honey, Sugar, or Miss (name) or Mr. (name). Me:  The first time someone called me Miss Sally, I was a bit taken aback. What? Then I realized it as what it is. A term of respect for the older generation in the South. You can call me Miss Sally anytime you want to!

*Nancy:  Ya’ll is singular. All ya’ll is plural. Me:  Several years ago I heard myself saying, “Ya’ll.” At last, I’m a Southerner, and darn proud of it.

*Nancy:  You understand these jokes and forward them to all your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the South. Me:  DONE! And thank you Miss Nancy.