'That Dang Chicken'

Everybody who visits here more than likely knows that Delanna N., a founding member of The Lunch Bunch, can’t cook. I mean really can’t cook. It’s bad. She called me up one day to find out how to turn her stove on. To be honest, and I always am, sort of, I told her I didn’t know how to turn her stove on over the phone. I’m pretty sure she figured it out. Or not.

Recently, Delanna has decided she will learn how to cook. But she’s not using her stove. She decided to go the Crock Pot way. All you gotta’ do with a Crock Pot is plug it in, throw supper’s ingredients in, and turn one dial to either high or low. That’s all. That’s the way mine works anyway. And Delanna went whole hog with her newest hobby. She doesn’t have just one Crock Pot, she told me one day. She has THREE! THREE Crock Pots! Who needs THREE Crock Pots? Delanna does it turns out. ‘Could that possibly be because she hasn’t yet figured out how to turn the stove on?’ I wondered. But everyone was happy for Delanna. She is finally learning how to cook. And to prove it, she got more than one, possibly more than two, new Crock Pot recipe books for Christmas, including the one from me.

And we had good news. Over the past few months Delanna, through her new Crock Pot knowledge, has finally joined the I-Can-Cook conversations all women and some guys have eventually. Yes Delanna. We know that all you have to do is stick all that stuff in the Crock Pot in the morning, set the dial on low, and supper is ready when you get home. However, I’m a scaredy cat. I do not use my Crock Pot unless I’m home. This may be due to past experiences on my part. I do not claim to be one whit better than Delanna in the kitchen. I confess. I’ve set my kitchen on fire more than once. And hubby and mom-in-law joined in and both set my kitchen on fire once each. I forgave them. I’m still ahead. And still not leaving my Crock Pot all alone on its own. Nope, I Crock Pot only when I can be there on weekends.

Delanna learned that lesson last week. She related, “I put in the rice. I put in the soup. I put in the chicken breasts. And when I got home and opened the front door, I wondered where all that smoke was coming from. I found out all that was left in the Crock Pot was the chicken, and you could bounce those breasts off the floor like basketballs!” I cautiously inquired (didn’t want to interrupt Delanna’s new-found cooking skills), “You did put it on low, right?” “YES!” I was firmly told. “I swear! The chicken bounces!”

O.K. Now I’m not telling on Delanna. I would never have brought up her unfortunate episode with her Crock Pot if she had not announced herself on Facebook for all the world to see. Good Grief woman. She also announced how both her grandmothers are GREAT cooks, but that cooking gene was not passed on to her. She and granddaughter Bailey, she reported, went out to eat to that night, and several nights since I believe. But she did get many comments on Facebook. Friends were concerned. “Oh My!” said one. Another asked, “U need help?” One was conciliatory, “See, it happens to the best of us.” (Hum, same problem perhaps?) Others offered advice. “Looks like a Sonic night,” or a pizza night, or a Mexican night. That’s the advice Delanna took. She also got many hearty laughs by likes on Facebook, including mine. Don’t take this as an indictment of Delanna’s cooking. Yes, it can happen to any one of us. All I have to do is remember that pink pie I made (was supposed to be strawberry chiffon) that would have matched Delanna’s bouncing chicken breasts bounce for bounce. And still my friends in The Lunch Bunch did their best to get it down their gullets, until I finally told them to “Never mind,” and the whole thing went in the trash. And Delanna’s Lunch Bunch friends have promised her a night out of the kitchen while we cook in our Crock Pots. One is making barbecue and I’m taking on peach cobbler. We’ll report on those choices later. Until then, take a look below at Delanna’s chicken breasts, on which she reports, “When bad things happen to good chicken! No fail recipe. Easy as pie. Ha! That DANG chicken!”