New Year’s Resolutions have never been a priority for me. Oh, I’ve made a few over the years, but quickly learned I didn’t follow my resolutions beginning very quickly, usually on Jan. 2. So, why bother?
Thus I had to go looking on the Internet for resolutions, and found the following, followed by my own observations. If you haven’t made any resolutions yourself for 2016, feel free to borrow.
-Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom. (Don’t own a nightdress. Much prefer sweats.)
-I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future. (Thought that was normal behavior and I didn’t have to make a resolution to do it.)
-I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses. (Too sleepy to accomplish this resolution.)
-I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. (Done.)
-I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water. (Done.)
-I will assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing. (Don’t drink.)
-I will give up chocolates totally. 100 percent. Completely. Honestly. (Yes, I tried this once. Was eating chocolate by Jan. 2.)
-I will try to figure out why I really need nine e-mail addresses. (Oh come on. I’ve only got two!)
-I will stop sending e-mails to my spouse. (Got plenty of emails. Don’t have a spouse.)
-I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. (Children? Work? Incompatible words.)
-I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. (I’m not sure I could do that in the first place!)
-I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. (And that isn’t going to happen.)
-I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. (This actually happened to me over the Christmas holiday!)
-I will think of a password other than "password." (I wish I could remember my passwords!)
-I will not tell the same story at every get together. (Will someone please remind me of that?)
-I won't worry so much. (I worry about worrying.)
-I will cut my hair. (Been thinking that for a year.)
-I will grow my hair. (Been trying that for a year!)
-I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine. (Tell my family that every Christmas!)
-I will be more imaginative. (I am too imaginative!)
-I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number. (This is a resolution obviously made by a man. I actually rang a stewardess button one time just to get her out of this very situation!)
OOPS! I forgot. I did make a New Year’s Resolution this very morning. I resolved, as I brushed my teeth, that I will STOP HUMMING THE STAR WARS THEME IN MY HEAD! Is anyone else having this problem? The good news is I have stopped humming Christmas music.
Happy New Year!
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