Country Philosopher Imparts Opinions

My Country Philosopher has published again. I find his thoughts so provocative, that I can’t resist sharing. So here you are. . .the best mind meanderings of Sequoyah County’s Country Philosopher. (With a few of my own thoughts thrown in.)

-You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have one of those. (Me: Can’t count the times I’ve had to apologize for those things that just pop out of my mouth!)

-Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon! (Me: They say plants can scream, and I’ve often thought why isn't that pointed out to vegetarians?)

-The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers. (Me: Oh dear! Never thought of that before.)

-My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work. (Me: Based on previous thought, am now praying for tolerance.)

-I’m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand. (Me: So true.)

-So when is this “Old enough to know better” supposed to kick in? (Me: Are we referring to me or my children?)

- Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered, “Who ties your shoelaces for you?” (Me: Are we talking about presidential candidates?)

-I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth. (Me: Oh, we’re discussing Presidential candidates’ speeches.)

-Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent! (Me: So we are discussing the current presidential race again!)

-I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. (Me: A reference I’m sure to my lack of computer and smart phone skills.)

-I hate it when the voices in my head go silent. I never know what they are planning. (Me: I can supply psychiatrists’ phone numbers!)

-I’m not lazy. I just really enjoy doing nothing. (Me: Oh yeah!)

-When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead. It’s only difficult for others. It’s the same way when you’re stupid. (Me: I know I heard a presidential candidate use the word “stupid.”)

-If people could read my mind I’d get punched in the face a lot. (Me: Keeping mouth shut!)

-Calm down, take a deep breath, and hold it for about 20 minutes. (Me: Ha, ha. I can count.)

-I never argue. I just explain why I’m right. (Me: Sounds like something my children would say.)

-I speak my mind because it hurts to bit my tongue all the time. (Me: Working hard on keeping mouth shut.)

-Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are! (Me: Are we discussing the presidential race again!?!)