Thank goodness for proof readers.
After almost 40 years in the news business, I am most thankful for proofreaders. However, during those 40 years even the proofreaders missed a few of my goofs. I apologized profusely for those goofs, over, and over, and over. They will not be repeated here.
Still, there is nothing in the news that makes me laugh out loud so much as someone else’s goof. Believing there are a few of you out there who feel the same, the following “unintentional” headline goofs are reviewed. The names of the guilty have been omitted.
-Missippi’s Literacy Program Shows Improvement
-Volunteers Search for Old Civil War Planes
-Correction: The salsa recipe should have read “2 tsp. of cilantro,” not “2 tsp. of cement.”
-Statistics Show Teen Pregnancy Drops off Significantly after Age 25
-Police Reports: 3:56 p.m. – Dispatch reports chicken pot pie running east on Blank Street.
Sometimes, the headline or news error is just because someone was in a great hurry, and didn’t stop to read what was written. For instance, the following may be considered “Duh!” moments.
-Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons
-City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells
-Mayor Tells the Homeless: Go Home
-Slowdown Continues to Accelerate
-Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police
-Lunar Eclipse Will Be Broadcast Live on Radio
-Psychics Predict World Didn’t End Yesterday
-Grass Growing Fast After Rain
-State Prisons to Replace Easy-open Locks
-Crocodiles Go Hungry Due to Shortage of Tourists
-Bugs Flying Around with Wings Are Flying Bugs
-City Council Runs Out of Time to Discuss Shorter Meetings
-Researchers: Overeating Can Set Stage for Obesity
-Army Vehicle Disappears: An Australian Army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after being painted with camouflage.
-Cemetery Residents Making a Comeback
And then there are those headlines that we believe the writer knew exactly what he or she was doing, and was doing it with tongue in cheek!
-Attorney Accidentally Sues Himself
-Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Gets New Attorney
-County to Pay $250,000 to Advertise Lack of Funds
-Meeting on Open Meetings Is Closed
-Fish Need Water, Feds Say
But nothing can be funnier than plain old real life.
-Boy, Age 8, Saves Sister’s Life: He states, “I won’t do it again. She’s been a pain this whole week.”
-Man Kidnaps Ex-girlfriend to Get Ironing Done
-Police Reports: 7:14 p.m. – Caller reported someone was on a porch yelling “help” from a residence. Officers responded and learned the person was calling for a cat named “Help.”
-Police Reports: An elderly motorist, pulled over for speeding, had a vacuum on the dashboard of her car. She told officer her family “told me if I put a Dustbuster in my car that I wouldn’t get a ticket.” Her family had told her she should get a ‘fuzzbuster’ radar detector to warn her of cops.
The ad department is not immune to mistakes or funny takes, as evidenced by the following classified ads.
-Surgeon Wanted for new health clinic. No experience needed. Must have own tools.
-Waitress Needed. Must be 19 years old with 20 years experience.
-For Sale: Soccer ball signed by either Pele, the former Brazilian soccer player widely renowned to be the finest player that ever existed, or by some guy named Peter.
-Cab Drivers Wanted for Nights & weekends. Must have good driving and criminal record. Apply in person.
-FREE: Big box of toys previously owned by a son who sass-talked his mama and is about to learn a life lesson he will never ever ever ever ever ever ever forget.
Hope that satisfies everyone’s need for a Saturday laugh.
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